Sasha Answers: Nosy people asking about babies

Sasha Posted by Sasha at January 22, 2013 19:14:20 January 22, 2013 19:14:20

Hi Sasha, I need some advice. My husband and I are dealing with infertility and are slowly working through our options. I'd be putting it lightly to say that we are both emotionally exhausted. We haven't told any of our family and only a few close friends.

Over Christmas we found out that my sister-in-law is expecting. They conceived ONE MONTH! after going off the pill (yes I'm jealous). So now we are the only childless couple on his side of the family. I can't handle constantly getting asked "so when are you having kids?" and told "you should get pregnant now so our kids are the same age!"

My SIL brings up us having babies every time we see her. We have started avoiding them because of it. Now, I want to be a part of this child’s life and a kick ass aunt, but I don't know how to get them off my back about babies. Any suggestions? Thanks, E


It’s like as soon as you hit your 30s all anyone wants to know is when are you getting married and when are you pumping out kids.  I know these people are coming from a good place, but if you’re reading this and you recognize yourself – OH MY GOD, PLEASE STOP.

E, I hear ya, I get asked the baby question almost daily, and fine, once or twice is acceptable, but after a while I think it's more than just annoying, it's frankly really bordering on rude.  And what I find most surprising is that a lot of this "pregnancy peer pressure" comes from mothers.

You’d think if any subset of people should be sensitive to this, it would be them, but for some reason it’s like they forget that having a baby isn’t as easy as rubbing your private parts together. As you and I well know, procreating is like a full time job and not everyone has an easy road ahead. So if you’re looking for an easy one-liner to get people off your back this one has worked well for me so far:

“How about this….I promise you I’ll let you know when it happens. Cool?” (This is accompanied by either a smile or glare, depending on the person.)

This usually makes them go away and fast. Give it a whirl and let me know how it goes!

(Lainey: or, you know, you could ask them how much money they make. Why is it ok to ask after someone’s reproductive status and considered totally offside to ask them about financials?)

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