Here's another sex question for you. In the past few years, I have developed problems with TMJ. Historically, I've been pretty great at giving head, but now unless we are talking about a penis the thickness of my index finger, I get agonizing jaw pain within 30 seconds. My ex was pretty cool about this, and didn't mind giving oral without getting oral. I feel like most people wouldn't be that generous. So now that I'm single and getting out there again, I'm wondering how to go about the whole "I'd really like you to go down on me but can't return the favor" conversation. Is it even fair for me to ask? Would it be totally selfish? P


Ok, well first things first, I hope you're getting the TMJ looked after and maybe exploring some alternative methods like mediation, osteopathy, acupuncture...okay, i'll shut up, I'm sure you are, but just I wanted to put that out there.

As for the gummer. Well, sh-t, dude, I mean, it makes me think what the f-ck’s been MY excuse all this time? Errrr, no medical note here and I've practically passed on the dong most of my life.  

I talk with my homegirls about this all the time some love doing it and some just don't - one is not more or less healthy for a relationship. So P, if you are unable do it because of your current condition, it's not like you're some sex anomaly. I guess my point is that it's not like dudes expect to get blowjobs 24/7. In fact, my guy friends usually "complain" all the time about getting the shaft on their shaft. Enough is never enough.

So while it would be great if you had the option to do it - you don't. You're just gonna have to be honest and tell the dudes you date that it ain't happening, or that it ain't happening anytime soon. I wouldn't barf up this news right off the bat, but once the chemistry builds and you think he could be worthy of a make-out then just be straight up with the facts. And if and when you meet a nice solid dude, trust me, the two of you will figure some other fun stuff out to compensate or at the very least he'll be patient and supportive for the days your TMJ isn't as acute as it might be now.

But hey, having said that it could be a dealbreaker for a guy and if that's the case, the dude wasn't the right one. P, I'll say it again, you have a legit medical reason!!!!  And if a guy can't be understanding during this time then he was never worth having his dick sucked in the first place.

Thanks for writing in and keep your questions coming to me at [email protected].