I'm a 30 year old single chick and my parents think my hair is ruining my life.  Seriously.  I have dark hair that I have dyed a nice medium-blonde, as I'm super fair and it's much more flattering on me, in my humble opinion.  I've been a little bummed lately because of all of my friends are getting married and I've been single for a long-ass time.  My mother is insistent that no man will ever take me seriously because I have not only blonde hair, but D-cups and blonde hair.  It's not just her - my father told me that I look so bad that he will pay me to dye my hair dark.  In any event, my question is:  Is my mother right?  Am I in denial? S

The F-ck?  No, wait, what?  Sorry, this is such a strange question.  Okay, let me cut right to the chase: your mother and father - while probably lovely stand up citizens - are totally bath salts crazy on this one. 

S, the reason that you’re still single is a) because you’re meeting the wrong guys and b) because whether you’re blonde, black, purple or a muther f-cking rainbow, it’s damn ass hard to find a partner.  So please do me a favor and don’t let your parents’ dating worldview skew the way you think of yourself. 

I mean Blake Lively, Scarlett Johansson, and Kate Upton are all doing pretty well for themselves. 
So S, if you’re happy with your blonde locks and those hefty milk jugs that’s all that matters.   And trust me when you find the right guy, he’ll love your whole package too.