You’ve heard it before, Sasha. I’m one of those many girls who looked at their bf’s computer to find what I didn’t want to find. He’s been looking at porn, which I don’t mind, but it’s all with women who have big breasts. This hit homes because he’s always joking about how I’m flat chested, and how I look like a little girl, and how he wishes I was bigger and that as soon as he gets a raise he’s buying me ‘a set’. Sometimes he talks about me having to lose weight or getting a nose job too. Sasha I’m fine with what I have, but this is clearly what he likes and I don’t have it. I feel insecure and feel that he’s going to leave me for someone who has what he wants – big boobs. Am I supposed to get them even though I don’t really need or want them. I do love him and want a future with him but I feel very confused and sad and alone. What should I do? L
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Let’s tackle this problem level by level because L, it sure sounds to me like a gradation of sh-t.
So first up, the porn sitch; on its own it’s really not that big of an issue. I mean, the whole deal with porn is that it’s fantasy and I think we can all agree here that we can’t and shouldn’t shame him for that. And I mean, big ass jugs are pretty par for the course and if that’s what turns him on, well, in the scheme of things that’s pretty damn harmless.
Now, where it gets troublesome for me is what I said a moment ago about shame. This is where your boyfriend goes from decent to dick-face. I don’t care how funny he thinks it is. Trying to shame you and make you feel insecure about your body is super whack, not to mention very mind-f-cky. He may not admit it, but by dropping those comments his aim is to make you feel bad so that you *think* you have a problem that you need to ‘fix’.
Which is where we find you, L. And this is what gives me the biggest sads when it comes to this situation because it sounds to me like you may have lost yourself in this relationship. It worries me that you think this is okay. Listen, I’m sure you can rhyme off a bunch of great qualities about this guy, but in my opinion that all gets null and void if this is the way he talks to you. There is nothing healthy or loving or supportive or redeeming about being with someone who makes you feel like sh-t. The end.
So you ask what you should do, well, let me put it this way: the only bust chatter in any of this should be when and how you can bust the f-ck out this relationship.
