Sasha Answers: Should I tell him if I don’t want to keep it?

Hi Sasha, I’m 20, I have a gorgeous 10-month-old baby girl whose dad and I broke up when I found out I was pregnant, and I have since met someone else. I found out a few days ago that I was pregnant again, and I’m struggling with whether or not to tell my boyfriend.

I don’t think I am ready for a second baby, especially so close to the first one. Plus, I have yet to mend a few relationships with some family members because of my first pregnancy, and I also need to finally graduate from college, which I had to put on hold. So I am seriously considering abortion. To this point it’s even more than a consideration.

The thing is, my boyfriend is Muslim, and feels very strongly against abortion. Making this decision is already hard enough, without having someone trying to convince me not to, so the easiest way would be to just go ahead and not tell anyone. I feel bad excluding him from the decision, but I just don’t see any other way…

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I’m not here to tell you whether or not you should have this baby - that is SO not my call, but my advice on this would be to really make sure you take the time to figure out what’s best for YOU before making any rash decisions. 

I know you want to keep this a big secret, but if you can find someone you trust, then it's a good idea to open up to them because I think it’s important for you talk out all of your feelings and options.

Now let’s get to the situation with your boyfriend. Straight up, I think he has a right to know what’s going on. I’m not saying that he gets to make any decisions here, but dude should be looped in. 

And D, if I’m being really honest here I have to wonder if you should even be dating this guy.  Or anyone. I mean, if you can’t talk to him about something this important, well, that’s really something you should think about. And just a thought…. maybe it would be good for you to be alone for a while and concentrate on yourself.  You’re only 20 and you already have more sh-t on your plate than anyone your age should.  So my advice would be to fly solo for a while, focus on being a great mother, finishing your degree and mending those family ties.