Sasha Answers: The Dominant Friend

Sasha Posted by Sasha at August 27, 2012 17:36:54 August 27, 2012 17:36:54

Hi Sasha, We have a small tight group of friend’s guys and girls, mostly couples. One member is quite dominant and I think it’s messing with the mojo of the group, and me. Nothing goes by without her opinion stated on it.  She’s likes and secretly expects to get her way, but can also be charming and affectionate. Plans where we hang out, where we meet up and even where we eat always seem to magically end up her way. She likes to be the one controlling things.
But conversation is where it gets unbearable. She just steamrolls like a WWII Tank over, and there is NO budging it, no disarming it. It would be one thing if her conversation was witty, intelligent, or engaging.  It ends up being entirely self-focused.  She's definitely not the criticism-accepting or self-aware type, so a direct talk would be out of the question. She’s a long term partner and is not going anywhere, neither is anyone else and I can’t deal with this indefinitely.  How can I make this better? Help!  A.

Oh sh-t, I just sweated through that entire first paragraph thinking that you were one of my friend’s writing in because, uh, that might sound a lot like me.  I think I’m a demanding planning bitch too when it comes to hang out plans.  Crap.  I need to do some self-reflecting.

Anyway A, after reading your letter I have to say that this friend of yours sucks a big d-bag. There is nothing I despise more than a person who takes social hostage of a group; it’s not only totally self-involved and rude, but it’s straight-up boringgggg.

If I were you I’d trim the fat and keep my hangs with her to a minimum, but you’re telling me that’s not an option, right?  Are you sure I can’t convince you?  Fine, if that's the case, then the only thing left to do is to cast some shade.  Meaning the next time she swallows up the room with her words, cut yourself out of the equation.   Turn to the person next to you and start up a new conversation, or if you’re at a party excuse yourself and find someone else to hang out with.  You don’t have to be a blatant dick about it, but if you can do it on the sly, then my friend, you might just save yourself a life full of eye-rolls.

Good luck!  xx

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