Dear Sasha: My friend is changing, so much so that I am starting to despise her. Last year she was 320lbs and is now 190lbs. .. and terrible conceited and a mean girl. Every conversation for the last 8 months is about this guy that wants her and this girl that gave her a dirty look. I feel like that amazing 40+ year old gal pal was replaced with Junior High airhead. I am scared to go anywhere in public with her.
She has even started to pick on close ones. This past Christmas, I went from 120-130lbs, I love turkey and pie and this happens every year. She told me "wow, I can see the difference in you face. Your face is huge and fat. You should never be over 120lbs." Wtf! Should I let her be and hope she comes around or tell her she is feeling herself way too much? R
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Here are the clear signs that you have a f-cked up friendship:
- 1. The thought of hanging out with your friend gives you anxiety
- 2. Your friend makes you feel bad about yourself
- 3. Their values and interests are opposite to yours
- 4. You’re pulling all the weight in the friendship
- AND..
- 5. You pretty much hate them.
R, I’m going out on a limb here, but I feel like you’re batting a 5 out of 5 right about now which is really not an ideal situation to be in. Here's the thing, we all have different friends in our lives that serve different purposes - you've got your fun friend, your flaky friend, the talker, the listener etc....and while they aren't all perfect you still glean some sort of satisfaction, some sort of fulfilment from them, right? And unfortunately for you R, the only purpose this chick is serving is being a big ol’ soul sucker. LAME.
For me, I have no interest in changing people and if someone wants to be a roaring asshole then they can go right ahead; I’m just not gonna stick around for it. So R, I hope you see that you don't have to participate in something this shitty. My advice to you is simple: make a clean cut out and bounce her out of your life.
Thanks for writing in and keep your questions coming to [email protected].
