The Deadline

Sasha Posted by Sasha at September 26, 2011 22:06:37 September 26, 2011 22:06:37

Hi Sasha! I've been dating up a storm and loving it. My primary source for all of my escapades is through an online dating website. At the end of July, I met with this guy, lets call him J and it went really really well. It went on like this for about a month, just very smoothly, no games, and tons of fun. Here comes the reason why I'm writing you though, About three weeks ago, he had to suddenly move 3 hours away for a temporary job until he goes back to school in January. (Some side details...he took the semester off, and even when he goes back to school, he'll be 2.5 hours away, but where he goes to school, I may end up moving to this spring. So there's that.)

We are not in a 'relationship', we agreed to give it some time and see how it goes with him being away before we decide what to do since neither of us have been in a long distance relationship before. We both agree that we are extremely interested in seeing where this goes and that it could be a very long term thing but that the distance sucks. Basically, we've skyped for 2+ hrs every night since he's been there, wake up calls in the morning, and I'm going there this weekend.

The deadline for deciding (he imposed it btw, not me) is Oct 1st. I've noticed too that he still logs everyday onto the website we met on and even updated his location, which bothers me a little, but hey, we aren't in a relationship so I don't have a right to be annoyed. We've agreed to not really go on other dates but if we do, to let the other one know. So here is my question, should Oct 1st arrive and he is not sure he wants to give it a real shot, should I just call it quits then? By this point, we'll have been dating for over 2 months, I'll have driven out and visited him and abstained from seeing other people Thanks so much! A

This seems pretty clear cut to me, A. If dude isn’t ready to commit by the date HE set, then I think you’ve got your answer - he’s not down. But let me back up for one second because I need to give you some props.

From what I can tell you’ve played this situation perfectly. You haven’t put on any psycho pressure and you haven’t pretended you’re not interested. This is what they call good ‘game’ - not playing games – so pimp hats off to you.

Now back to the reality of your situation. Two months might not be an eternity but it’s enough time to figure out if you want to be with someone or not. And I know having him moving away wasn’t ideal but two hours ain’t no thang. So if that is theh excuse, I’m sorry, that means he’s still on the single train. And in that the case, I say cut your losses and move on.

If what you want to be is his girlfriend then take no less than that. Because the longer you stay in limbo with him the more f-cked sh-t is going to get. Trust. So stick to what you want and don’t waiver. If he can’t give it to you, you’re not there to compromise. Period.

Keep me posted. xx

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