Dear Sasha,

Long backstory made short: I was super tight with these 4 girls that I use to work with. And after some events I stopped being friends with one of them because...well...I think she's a back-stabbing, conniving, less-than-honorable chick who did me wrong. Whatever. I'm over it. It's now just a preface for my actual problem:

After the whole incident, the 4 of us weren't as tight as a unit and it was sort of split down the middle. I stayed really close with one girl and the other two are super tight. My friend is friends with them but there's like an unspoken thing that we all 4 don't hang out any more.

I switched jobs recently but maintain friendships with a lot of people from work still. Anyway I get wind that this one chick (super tight with the girl that did me wrong) is talking smack about me. Just stuff about how I'm a square and I'm a prude. It's all lame. Now I'm all about rising above it. It's not like i'm texting her asking her why she's being an epic wench. She can talk sh-t about me til she's blue because it's all wrong. But...there's a party going down this weekend of mutual friends and i'm going and I know she's going (girl will never turn down a party) and I'm just concerned that with alcohol around a confrontation will occur...and the question is do you engage or do you walk? I mean, yeah i can defend myself but should I even have to? Plus i kinda wanna be I do tend to cry when i'm angry which is not the face i'm going for in this bitch fight. I wanna come out of this with the dignity and the respect that I deserve because I'm not the one at fault. I'm taking off my earrings in anticipation of a rumble...but i'm not happy to do it. K

I’ve only seen two girl brawls in my life and good god they were scarier than any dude fight. I love females but wow we’re cheap when we fight. Not only is there hair pulling, scratching, and tit punching, but it’s so emotionally abusive too. When guys fight they get to the f-cking point, when girls fight we pummel each other’s heart. But what am I talking about? You’re not really going to fight….are you?

K, I can sense that you’re getting all riled up for some kind of throw-down, but please don’t go there. Listen, if this chick wants to geek out then let her, but you sure as hell shouldn’t feed into that kind of drivel. If she comes up to you and tries to get all sassy pants, shut it down. I get that in those moments all you want to do is stand your ground, but trust me you’ll regret it later. Look, all you have to say is ‘hey, I don’t know what’s going on here, but I’m having a good time so can you stop being a buzz kill.’ And then walk the other direction.

People like her, who crave causing big scenes, are truly the most embarrassing kind. All they want to do is spew their insecurity so they can bring you down into their misery spiral. And K, it’s so easy to get caught up in that sh-t, but I can’t let you go out that way. So do whatever you need to do to blow off some steam before this party rolls - go for a run, watch episodes of Oprah’s Angel Network, masturbate a sh-t load …. I don’t care - all I know is that I need you to walk in there with a cool and peaceful mind frame. Got it?

Hope this helps! But maybe throw a jar of Vaseline in your purse just in case you have to protect that pretty little face of yours…