Written by Sasha

Starting today some serious star wattage will be hitting the streets of T-dot. My peepers will be wide open for the flyest gear, but before it starts rolling out let’s get our s-TIFF-ies for who’s coming to town.

Every fashion type in the city is splooging over Tilda Swinton’s arrival and yes, I’m pretty pumped too. But I’m not so far up my ass that I’m going to pretend like I wanna talk about the artistry of her clothes - f*ck that noise. Tilda’s steez is as wacky as it comes and I can't wait to see what she brings this time. As you know she likes the androgynous look; lately though, she’s toned it down, for example when she showed up to Cannes in this gown by Haider Ackermann. Yes, she looked fantastic, but I’d WAY rather see more of this. Come on, how redonk and amazing is this! LOVE. Need more. Please Tilda, bring on the weird this week, please.

Speaking of weird looking sh*t...what the faaack is up with Jonah Hill? Why does he look like he’s 95 years old now? I know, I know, I’m supposed to be supportive of his new healthy lifestyle, but dude don’t look healthy. He looks more Sally Struthers feed the children. Look at the sadness in his eyes; he’s obviously starving. Look, I don’t care what he wears, my main concern is that he lives through the week, so if you see him please feed him a carbohydrate.

Another member of the Hollywood malnutrition club is Keira Knightly. I’m sorry, but seriously people, when I saw her at TIFF in 2008 I was truly concerned. I have no idea how that dress didn't fall off her rickety frame. But props to KK because since then she’s been looking healthier and I’m enjoying her style a lot more because of it. She really looks her best when she does two things: 1) when she covers up her emaciated clavicle and 2) when she wears black. Look at her below - case in point. It’s one of my favorites and of course it’s head to toe Chanel. So as long as Keira keeps this up and doesn’t morph into Skeletor … I’ll be happy.

Now for some hot male tail. Of course there’s Brad, Clooney, and Ryan Gosling but like, it’s really no fun to swoon over these guys anymore. If I have zero chance, then where's the excitement in that, you know? So I’ve now turned my attention to Marc-Andre Grondin. Who? Exactly. He’s a super cute Canadian actor who will be out here for his film Goon, and I’ve got to say I’m pretty attracted to his whole vaguely unwashed vibe. He's like a mix of Johnny Depp and Westley from The Princess Bride, whatever, I’m into it and it’s just a matter of time until you are too.

Update: my husband just told me: "Stop lowering your celebrity standards to try and f-ck one". On that note - I'll be back at the end of TIFF to wrap up what I loved, what I hated and if I succeeded with Marc-Andre.

Photos from Wenn.com