Sean Avery is getting exactly what he wants. His parents must be so proud.

Quick background for those who missed it yesterday:

Sean Avery is the douchebag forward currently playing for the Dallas Stars, acquired in the off season from the New York Rangers. The most hated piece of sh-t in the NHL, Avery is no stranger to controversy, having made racist remarks in the past about blacks and French Canadians, and last year ridiculing a fellow player suffering from cancer.

Avery used to date Elisha Cuthbert. They broke up in 2007. Cuthbert has a thing for hockey dudes. After Avery, she supposedly hooked up briefly with Montreal Canadien Mike Komisarek before becoming seriously involved last summer with Calgary Flames defenceman Dion Phaneuf.

Avery and the Dallas Stars played Calgary last night. During an interview with TSN, Avery, in an effort to rile up his competitors, throw off their game, specifically Phaneuf, offered these comments:

"I am really happy to be back in Calgary, I love Canada. I just want to comment on how it's become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don't know what that's about. Enjoy the game tonight."
Clip is below.

Sean Avery Sloppy Seconds

So all sh*t hits the fan, no one can talk of anything else, Avery dominates every hockey headline, is suspended indefinitely by the league, and vilified by every analyst, athlete, and anchorperson within close range of a microphone.

Avery has not issued an apology publicly. He might be pressured to by the NHL and by his management team, but it’s not like he’ll mean it. Quite the opposite in fact.

Don’t forget he interned at Vogue this year. Anna Wintour took him to Paris! Then he posed in an ad for The Gap. He’s also dated MK Olsen and Charlotte Ronson and was a regular on the NYC night scene.

Going to Dallas must have been a death sentence.

Matter of fact, continuing to play hockey must have been a death sentence.

Sean Avery isn’t interested in ice time. Sean Avery is interested in camera time. In showbiz. On reality tv. He is the hockey hybrid of Spencer Pratt, Heidi Montag, and Ebola Paris Hilton.

He is a f*cking virus.

And, as you know, Hollywood loves viruses. Hollywood condones viruses.

So don’t be happy today about Sean Avery’s suspension. Be scared. Be very, very scared.

Paris Ebola has met her love match. If and when they finally find each other, we will have nowhere to hide.

Photos attached of Cuthbert and Avery in happier times. Now THAT is a beat-me face.

File photos from