Sean Penn showed up at the premiere of Love Hate Love at the Tribeca Film Festival last night in a skinny tie with some gel in his hair like he was trying to work a little Robert Pattinson/Edward Cullen into his life. Maybe Scarjo likes it that way. Running her hands through it when it’s all sticky, after she removes her foot off of his balls. As he blows cigarette smoke into her face while he’s sharing his greatest acting tips.

Seriously, I am DYING to know what that’s like. How it works. How it looks. Which, I know, is kinda pervy, but … I canNOT picture them kissing in my mind. I’ve tried. My brain just won’t mash their heads together. It’s refusing. And it’s not like I’m the kind of person who has a hard time processing gross sh-t either. I actually do it to myself all the time, almost compulsively. This is why I have troubles using public toilets. Before I get in there, I imagine how the toilet bowl might look and I… well I can’t bring myself to go in. Jacek says maybe I should stop picturing how the toilet bowl might look and I might have an easier time, not be such a clenched tense bitch. The point is, my mind, it just goes there.

Not that I’m comparing Scarjo and Sean making out to what a public toilet bowl can look like. I’m just saying there’s a mental block, and I’m not sure why.

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