Selena Gomez’s new album, Stars Dance, drops in two weeks. One of the songs leaked today. Love Will Remember opens with a voice message from, well, supposedly from Justin Bieber. It doesn’t sound like him to me but then again, I’m no expert on his voice, especially now that it seems to be going through his boy-to-man adjustments.

Whoever he is, he’s corny. And he tells her that… f-ck, read it for yourself:

"Hey babe, it's me. I just want to call and tell you that I love you so, so, so, so much. I just wanted to let you know that you are my princess. You are worthy of all the love in the world. You are the love of my life."

Look, I’m not a particularly affectionate person. I get it from my ma, the Chinese Squawking Chicken. But, still, culturally, Chinese people aren’t really great with expressing emotion. The other day I tried to hug Jacek and he didn’t recognise me. What I’m saying is that this sh-t makes me uncomfortable. Already I feel like I have paralysis in my hands just from reading the words. Listening to them is even worse. Can’t they just eat ice cream and hold hands and not talk? This is much better.

But you may have a different reaction. You may want your lover to call you and tell you you’re his princess. If that’s the case, have at’er below.

As of July 5th, Selena and Justin were back together. Or, to be clear, at least they spent the Fourth of July together. Today Selena is Berlin for Adidas with those amazing hair extensions so… maybe it’s over, again.

In other Selena news, the Toronto Star published a really insightful, really funny article about her yesterday. Don’t want to spoil it because it should be enjoyed, start to finish, without prejudice. What I can say is that it’s another example of how celebrities dictate their interactions with the media to the point that it’s now becoming a restriction of free speech.

This is what I meant when I wrote about Jesse Eisenberg’s pissy interview with Romina Puga a few weeks ago – click here for a refresher – and criticised him for his easy cleverness in an environment when he was set up as the superior, thereby making HIM the BULLY. There is no equality in celebrity encounter. From the get, the conversation is predicated on imbalance. SOME celebrities will do away with that bullsh-t and actually behave like human beings, speak to the reporter as a human being, as all human beings should. MOST of them however, including Selena Gomez here, will allow their people to elevate them, without merit, to a position of power over the person who is SUPPOSED TO BE HELPING THEM PROMOTE THEIR PRODUCT. And this is what happens. Click here.