September 22, 2015 – Smutty Shout-Outs

Lainey Posted by Lainey at September 22, 2015 13:19:19 September 22, 2015 13:19:19

Saraah! Happy Belated Birthday! It’s been over a year since we met…and now you’re expecting another in November. I know it’s been a rough go. But, as I’ve learned the last few days, those who leave don’t stop giving. Henry is the gift. Good luck to you in November. To celebrate you, Matt asked me for a birthday blind so who’s the douchebag who justifies his hate for media but can’t justify what a dick he is to the people who work to support him? For someone who fronts like he’s so tough, all he ever does is whinge about how nobody takes care of him, how nobody knows what he wants for lunch, and when he’s done moaning about that, his mean streak kicks in and he doesn’t stop until he’s made people cry. There’s no defence for being a coddled movie star and berating someone until they run out of the room, sobbing. This is why he’s off the list.

This photo of Tatiana Pauhofova is for someone very special to Sabina and a message: “what will come will come, we will get through it all and I can’t wait to start”.

To Meg from Heather – Happy Belated Birthday! Harry Potter 2016! And hopefully more Matthias Schoenaerts.

Hey Dawn, how was Duran Duran? Hope you and Roni had a great reunion in Denver. John Taylor really did have the best hair in the 80s, didn’t he?

“To Hope, one of the founding members of our leggy blonde brigade and the Virgoest of Virgos, on your special day we promise you no hugs (in fact, we grant you an extra foot of personal distance all day long, just to prove our love for you!), countless mind palace projections of Benedict, Idris and Chris Cornell, and copious amounts of all-you-can-eat chocolate (and guacamole).

We would never assume to match your stellar shoutout composition skills but we are hoping that our eight heads are equal to your one and maybe we'll earn some Paula Abdul happy claps or at least a creepy Lythgoe-worthy leer of approval!

What a great birthday month you've had so far: You braved the TIFF ticketing system, gave out 45x your usual hug quotient (including a couple of consoling unsolicited hugs!) and you've managed to keep a poker face on live on TV.

You know your style is matched only by another leggy blonde, Cat Deeley, your wit is on par with our beloved author, TV star and all-round girl crush Mindy and you're as thoughtful and kind as our beloved Harry Potter authoress herself, JK Rowling.

Have a fabulous year that we hope is filled with travel to warmer climes, cups of tea and delicious vegan creations, and, for our sake, more tales of DJP's torture of Demon Spawn and live narration of Aubrey's GoT reactions. What a way to kick it off with a father-daughter half-marathon that we know you will rock - you can't go wrong with the Virgo devotion to training that you've put in. For you and all you do, we thank you SIR!

We took on the usual arduous task of scouring the Internet for your five faves...though I know you're probably still riding the high from meeting Idris IN REAL LIFE at TIFF! Here's Chris Cornell, Idris, Dave Grohl, Matt Smith and your beloved future second husband Benedict!”

And for Hannah from Clio – Happy Birthday! For you by request: a George Michael Christmas. I totally want to listen to that song now. 

Previous Article Next Article