My mail just started downloading. Maybe because it’s Friday and we’re all a little silly but there have been some exceptionally funny messages today. Thought I’d share a few and since you love them, will include the best hate ones too. As you’d expect, they come from the Holy Trinity of Crazy Fan Groups: Brangelunatics, Aniston freaks, and Twi-hard losers. Attached just because – Melanie Griffith and Sharon Stone, two anti-aging broads begging to be photographed at lunch in West Hollywood the other day. Love.

Lainey, YOU are the hater. The hate in your heart will never allow you to see the beauty in the beautiful family that Brad and Angie have created. Shame on you for attacking Shiloh, she’s just a child!
From Janet C.

What kind of a woman would not rally for Jennifer Aniston? Go back to the dark ages Lainey where you BELONG! Let’s see how funny you find it when a caveman clubs you over the head. From Kate T.

Pattinson is a slack-jawed-mouth-breather and that's why he's photographed open mouthed constantly. That's all. It's the only explanation for why a guy would be posing open mouthed all the time. It's not intentional. He's super stupid and his brain just plain can't help it. I don't understand the love... From Kristi B.

You’re such a bitch. Stop trying to set up Rob with every c-nt in Hollywood. Just because you can’t appreciate his soulfull talents doesn’t mean anything. When he’s accepting his Oscar you will be riding the bandwagon but those of us that appreciated him all this time will throw you off.
From Tammy K.

We all feel sorry for your husband who married such ugliness. What do you give to the world Lainey? No wonder your face is full of pimples, the inside shows the outside. From XT2206

You know why you can’t understand Stephenie Meyer? It’s because you’re so immature that’s why and that’s why you’re stuck in the baby section with Harry Potter. From Barbara T.

Hi Elaine, Mom says don’t forget to look for her scarf at Chanel for her birthday. Hope you are having fun. Love, dad.*

*I should explain this. My mother’s birthday is in March. She’s been eyeing this scarf at Chanel but she says it’s cheaper in America. So of course since she made me come here she’s all about me finding it for her. But my mother knows how to gamble. And she knows gambling etiquette and karma. She doesn’t f-ck around when it comes to disturbing someone on the tables. It always comes back to haunt you.

Which is why my dad has been emailing and calling me. My dad doesn’t gamble. Never mind that I can hear her in the background yelling at him like he’s some kind of translator. When I finally called her back, she also sent me over to Coach, a store I hate, to look for a shoulder bag. As I was in line standing to pay for it, she told me to ask them for the “no tax special”. I’m at f-cking Caesar’s and she wants the “no tax special”.

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