She hasn’t had much success on red carpets, has she? Remember a few years ago with Lance Armstrong she showed up in a bright yellow gown with her stomach cut out?

This one isn’t much better.

This one looks like it’s been washed and dried. You know when you buy a blouse for $30 from the Chinese Mall and it starts to pill after the second use? This is a Chinese Mall dress. Totally made in Hong Kong.

And again, the shiny material. Another example why it must be banned! Because you know Sheryl Crow’s body is tighter than yours and mine. She climbed Alpe D’Huez in an hour and 37 minutes! But the fabric from hell gives even Sheryl Crow the imaginary lumpies. We have lumpies. Sheryl does NOT have lumpies.

Photos from and