Several character posters for Lars von Trier’s Nymphomaniac were released yesterday featuring all the actors’ orgasm faces. Some of them, I think, are coming while stimulating themselves. Some of them are coming while being stimulated. Shia is … I don’t know what Shia LaBeouf is. Is he coming at all? Does he have to be so cool when he comes? Or is he looking down at someone trying to make him come with his/her mouth? F-cking Shia LaBeouf. Even ejaculation has to be an enigma with that guy.

My favourite? Charlotte Gainsbourg, obviously. Jamie Bell is trying too hard. Christian Slater’s obviously hate-f*cking someone. Stellan Skarsgard is demonstrating how he made so many children (8!). And Uma Thurman is clearly making love on Mount Olympus.

This is a fun game.

I want to do this on The Social today. I want us all to make our O faces at the end of the show. Like serious. No laughs. Like these actors being shot for a movie poster. Do you want to play?