Shia LaBeouf is shooting a movie in Vancouver. I can’t remember what it’s called and I’m too drunk to google but I assure you it’s not important. The point of this story is that his girlfriend Carolyn Pho is visiting him and they were photographed kissing. It’s not the first time they’ve been photographed kissing but every time they’re photographed kissing it makes me uncomfortable. And it’s not like I don’t enjoy watching celebrities kissing. Like, I am all over Justin Bieber kissing Selena Gomez. Maybe that’s not a good example. But there IS something about Shia kissing Carolyn that makes me feel gross.

It’s the desperation, I think. It’s the NEED behind these kisses. It’s me projecting that he’s a lonely, angry person whose relationships may be an unhealthy refuge and the way his kisses are coloured as a result of his personal spiritual deprivation. I just...don’t think he’d be a very stable boyfriend. There’s too much hunger there. And not the healthy kind. If you saw that video of him getting his ass kicked outside that Vancouver bar, you know what i mean. Being Shia’s girlfriend, it feels like it would be claustrophobic which, that may have been the problem for Carey Mulligan. And while it may seem romantic for you young girls out there now, I promise you that wears off. Consider then the heaviness you’ll then have to carry around.