Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux went shopping at Barneys in Beverly Hills the other day. According to the photo agency she was buying makeup. I don’t understand why Jennifer Aniston has to buy makeup. When she goes out someone does it for her. And when she’s not out to be seen, she probably has a standard go-to list of products she’s been using for years, which she can easily get delivered. Gift? Possible. Does Jennifer Aniston strike you as a makeup gift-giver? It’s a little... impersonal. And she has an assistant to shop the impersonal items for the not-so-close staffers and vendors and acquaintances on her list, doesn’t she?
It’s the day to day details of celebrity lives that fascinate me most. Like Christmas presents and packing for trips and all the logistics.
Anyway, last week some low rank tabloid reported, again, that Jen is pregnant. Her publicist quickly called the report “crap”, denying that she and Justin are expecting.
After the Great Gossip year we’ve had, ending it with a Jennifer Aniston baby Christmas present would be perfect, right?
Here’s why I do want her to be pregnant:
-Because, of course, it’s really, really Good For Gossip.
-Because the Brange would have to answer...somehow
-Because people will be hilariously stupid and predict that she’ll call it “Rachel” for a girl and “Ross” for a boy
-But mostly because the Brange would have to answer... somehow...and probably with #7, and then we can all hold hands and try to conjure a Bump-Off on a red carpet.
Here’s why I don’t want her to be pregnant:
-Because I’d for love her to be one of the few celebrities, and the most famous one at that, to declare that SHE DOESN’T ACTUALLY WANT ONE AND STOP TRYING TO MAKE HER FIT THAT BOX
-Because everything we hate about the celebrity pregnancy narrative will apply, only multiplied by 100. “Exclusive! Jennifer Aniston loves her baby and it’s not even born yet!” -- that’s the dumb sh-t that will slap you in the face for the duration of the gestation.
-Because when she does finally give birth, we’ll have to watch everyone judge her for how quickly, or not, she loses the weight.
Am I being selfish? I think so I might be.
Good Gossip should supersede everything.
