This is a game I invented to play at parties. I first wrote about it here, when a few of us were covering a celebrity festival allnighter, looking at hot models being groped by gross rich men. Everyone has a line, right? How much money or what connections would it take for you to control your gag reflex? What would have to be promised to you? What do you gain by suppressing your disgust?

So. Simon Cowell. Walking around shirtless in Miami with his new baby and his baby mother over a pair of trouser jeans.

Now Picture Him On Top Of You. At the same time, picture yourself never having to work again. Security for your family. The best of everything – health care, home, clothing, food, all of it.

Does it get easier?

Because when he’s on top of you, you can’t un-see it. After he gets inside of you, you definitely can’t un-see it. And Jesus Christ, if it’s that hot, why are you wearing jeans?!?