Hasselhoff in Charming

Duana Posted by Duana at October 6, 2011 16:49:50 October 6, 2011 16:49:50

Sons of Anarchy Season 4 Episode 5 Recap

Previously on Sons of Anarchy,  Roosevelt reminded Juice that the Sons would kick him out if they found out he was black,  Big Otto was talked to by Lincoln, Tara is carrying around her secret about JT, the guys are running coke.

Gemma, in prison, stares at Otto.   SheΓÇÖs devastated at what he calls ΓÇ£a means to an endΓÇ¥.  Also, why is he in a wheelchair?  Anyway, Otto needs to ask about the fact that BobbyΓÇÖs semen was found on Luann. GemmaΓÇÖs startled, and tries to shrug it off a little bit, but as Otto says, ΓÇ£Last guy tappinΓÇÖ a bitch is usually the one who killed herΓÇ¥. Gemma holds his hands as Otto says Clay should ask what it would be like to lose the one he loved the most, and Otto is not asking, heΓÇÖs telling the club they need to find who killed Luann.  As you might guess, Gemma looks horrified.

The sons meet up with the Mayans in a dirt road, where apparently the stuff wonΓÇÖt be ready until tomorrow. ClayΓÇÖs unimpressed with the ΓÇÿbabysittingΓÇÖ and more unimpressed that the Mayans are leaving a babysitter behind.  Clay tells everyone to get some sleep, so I imagine these industrious Sons are up early?

Juice and Roosevelt are meeting up.   Roosevelt is doing his best to intimidate Juice by saying they can protect each otherΓÇÖs secrets, but you gotta see that Juice is truly terrified if heΓÇÖs going for this deal. Anyway, Roosevelt drops the word ΓÇÿcartelΓÇÖ, and Juice scoffs.  A ΓÇÿsherriffΓÇÖ doesnΓÇÖt have the reach for any of this. But Roosevelt doesnΓÇÖt mind ΓÇô  heΓÇÖs got Juice right where he wants him.

Jax comes home and finds Tara playing with the boys on the floor. SheΓÇÖs still in scrubs which ΓÇô hey scrubs-wearers, do you not take them off right away?  In any event, Jax says he brought her a present from the motorcycle show, and now I understand that this episode is happening right after the last episode so theyΓÇÖve been riding all night. Jax pulls out two GIANT bricks of cash, and tells Tara heΓÇÖs putting it in the bank and that itΓÇÖs going to be their escape route. Jax tells Tara to ask Gemma how itΓÇÖs done, and I really hope Gemma is at the florist, because how much fun was that last week?  I do wonder about Tara, you guys. She spends so much time biting her lip and saying OK, I donΓÇÖt know what it would be like if she actually let her emotions get awayΓǪis it possible?

Clay is discussing the ΓÇ£cum in her pantiesΓÇ¥ where Luann is concerned.  Please excuse my classlessness.  (Lainey: you cannot imagine how much it would have tortured Duana to write that down.) They discuss how  since the semen was matched (but they got no name) it has to be a guy in the system.  As you might guess,  Bobby Elvis looks nauseous.   Anyway, they think it was Caruso, and Clay wants them to get on it immediately. They hope Lila will help them find him.  

Everyone else leaves church, but Clay and Piney stay for a tete-a-tete. Opening salvo was ΓÇ£JT wouldΓÇÖve never touched drugsΓÇ¥. Clay says he wouldΓÇÖve but Piney starts discussing how Clay was the one who wouldnΓÇÖt let JT get out of the gunrunning business.  He lays his cards on the table, and heΓÇÖs fiercer than IΓÇÖve ever seen him, saying the letters ΓÇ£paint a vivid picture of who did itΓÇ¥.    ThereΓÇÖs plausible deniability about what was wrong with his bike and then Clay gets fed up and strides right over.  Piney wants the drug running to stop and says Clay only has until the end of the week. Oh, and if ClayΓÇÖs going to off him in the meantime, heΓÇÖs got ΓÇÿcontingenciesΓÇÖ in place.

Bobby is freaking out to Jax who agrees that yes,  they do know it was BobbyΓÇÖs spunk in Luann and they didnΓÇÖt tell everyone, but that theyΓÇÖre trying to protect him. Jax assures him he knows he didnΓÇÖt kill Luann and that OttoΓÇÖs agitating to try to see whether the sherriff is going to pull Bobby in on something.   

Clay interrupts them both, saying he needs to move some stuff around NOW. Not in five minutes.   And then strides into GemmaΓÇÖs office where he announces that Piney says heΓÇÖs going to out him to the club.  And then Clay zeroes in on the fact that Tara has the letters, and that sheΓÇÖs the one who can ruin them. Gemma pedals hard trying to protect Tara, and nearly makes an inroad but Clay rightly points out that it doesnΓÇÖt matter why he killed JT, he did it and Jax will lose his mind if he finds out.   Lady MacBeth comes out , and calms Clay down. Why donΓÇÖt they get the letters, and see whatΓÇÖs in them before they freak the hell out?  She really does run him when she wants, huh?  She demands that Clay not hurt either Piney or Tara soΓǪIΓÇÖm not feeling good about their chances.

Unser, on a bike.  HeΓÇÖs so delighted with the job Clay did, and tries to pay, but Clay wonΓÇÖt have any of it.  Then Clay, who has previously been a pretty tight safe, tells Unser about the letters, too.   He needs him to grab them and ClayΓÇÖs gonna take it from there. Unser dances around whether or not ClayΓÇÖs going to let Tara live if she knows things  and before they can get into it, Gemma arrives.  Oh, man, this is where I start to get the spine shivers.  Because they are trying to end-around one another while swearing up and down that they arenΓÇÖtΓǪthis is something.  Anyway, as you might guess, Clay leaves, and Gemma wastes no time telling Uncer to grab the letters and bring them to her. Not Clay, but her. Not UnserΓÇÖs dayΓǪ

Jax and Opie and Bobby with Lila, whose orange…body-stocking she’s wearing before going on set is pretty something. Opie stays behind when they go to talk to her director, because of obvious reasons, and idly searches in Tara’s things, and finds her birth control pills.

Oh my God, you guys, David Hasselhoff as a porn director is kind of the best thing IΓÇÖve ever seen.  This is amazing.  He explains that this guy George who theyΓÇÖre talking about contacted him because he wanted to make a doll line based on one of the directorΓÇÖs best films.  You know exactly what kind of dolls IΓÇÖm talking about but watching David Hasselhoff explain it is pretty fantastic. Also his ΓÇÿactingΓÇÖ when he discovers this is about Luann. Then he says the words ΓÇ£douchebagΓÇ¥ and ΓÇÿbig cockΓÇÖ, which I almost need to make into a macro. The relevant part here is that he wants Georgie dead, and they get into it.

Unser messes around in Tara’s office and finds copies of the letters. Not so good. He takes them and heads out…

Lincoln and Roosevelt scenes in his war room always feel a bit like psychology to me, but letΓÇÖs buckle up, I guess. Lincoln wants Juice, Roosevelt says they need to sweeten the deal for him.   Lincoln wants Juice to pull a sample from the load and thatΓÇÖll prove his commitment ΓÇô because if heΓÇÖs sure that Juice will do it, that proves getting outed for race is worse than double-timing with the police.  Roosevelt says itΓÇÖs too dangerous ΓÇô for him as well as for Juice. LincolnΓÇÖs too busy to worry about these trivial details, and the brainf-ck comes close to a  close as he says heΓÇÖll strike him from the record. Oh, and a staffer says they canΓÇÖt do that  but not ΓÇÿtil RooseveltΓÇÖs left the room.

Unser.  Reads the letters and then, when he sees Clay coming, tosses them in the fire. But Clay rips them back out.  Unser is furious at his role in JTΓÇÖs death.  He thought JT was far, far more  dangerous than he was, and thus did ClayΓÇÖs bidding.  Clay blusters that John Teller was delusional, but neither of them is buying it.  Unser asks about Gemma, but then Clay gets the last word in, implying not-so-subtly that UnserΓÇÖs crush on Gemma is whatΓÇÖs fueling everything he doesΓǪ

Porn set.   Hasselhoff has brought in Georgie who swears when he sees Jax. GeorgieΓÇÖs blonde piece starts waving her gun around, and what should have been routine turns into a gun-waving chase-and-takedown.  Bobby almost kills him before the Sons pull him offΓǪ

Clay burns the letters, laments the real ones which are still out there. Then gets up and, ominously, says he’s going to protect them both…

Juice answering texts, and makes up a lie to escape the porn set (where Georgie is tied up in his underwear….)

Now Gemma visits Unser.  Why did he burn the letters?  Unser says itΓÇÖs because they were too painful for Gemma to readΓǪ clearly, heΓÇÖs chosen his side.  But Gemma doesnΓÇÖt know, thinks theyΓÇÖre the ones and holds WayneΓÇÖs hand.  And he doesnΓÇÖt shrug her off.  

Interrogation room.  Roosevelt lays it out for Juice.  A sample will tell them where the drugs are coming from, simple as that.  Juice says thereΓÇÖs no coke, and  Roosevelt just blows right past him, saying if they do it right, they can leave SAMCRO out of everything altogether.  But of course, if Juice says no,  if he doesnΓÇÖt help ΓÇô itΓÇÖs lose-lose. You guys, I never thought a hardened biker/criminal could look so vulnerableΓǪ

Clay shows up on the porn set.  Now he talks to Georgie who swears he didnΓÇÖt kill Luann.   Jax jumps in with a ball-gag heΓÇÖs using as a garotte and Bobby holds a gun to GeorgieΓÇÖs head but his last-minute babblings about how rich he is get ClayΓÇÖs attention.  The Japanese investors he has ΓÇô then, because Clay is Clay, he says they can use the cash because Charming Heights is missing capital.   They can dupe Hale into thinking the investors are in and then pull out and cut GeorgieΓÇÖs heart out.    Hasselhoff is annoyingly entertaining as the guy left out of the cool crowd. TheyΓÇÖre keeping him alive.  

Juice pulls up and tells the kid whoΓÇÖs watching he just needs to do ΓÇÿa walkthroughΓÇÖ.   You canΓÇÖt even tell that his heartΓÇÖs beating out of his chest, can you?   Juice doesnΓÇÖt waste any time grabbing himself a brick and he would just take a sample, but the kid out front comes back, wanting to hang out because, and I sh-t you not, heΓÇÖs lonelyΓǪand Juice has to shove a whole brick down his pants.   Insert your own brick-sh-tting joke hereΓǪ

In the woods, he takes it out, trying to breathe…

Morning. Juice is awake, brick beside him.  HeΓÇÖs panicky.

Morning at Gemma and ClayΓÇÖs. It sounds all for the world like thereΓÇÖs Hall and Oates playing at their house while they have coffee.  Gemma wonders why Clay was so late, then drops some ash in front of Clay.  Oh, but poor Lady MacBeth has been played!  She tells him she burned the letters because they were painful but he knows exactly how much sheΓÇÖs lying to him.  Oh, this is bad.   He doesnΓÇÖt let on, but her insistence that Piney is full of it and nobody can hurt them is just so hollow. I wonder if she feels satisfaction?

Juice, near the truck of goods, sees the dudes talking. Then decides ΓÇô why would you decide this? That the best thing to do is to bury the brick?  I am wincing for him as we speakΓǪ

Opie and Jax talk at the club ΓÇô until a blonde bimbo comes out. The level of scorn that Jax has for Opie is unbelievable.  I mean, this is some moral high ground.  Anyway, Opie explains itΓÇÖs because Lila is taking birth control, and heΓÇÖs justΓǪdone.

Unser watches from his truck as Tara loads the kids into the car.   Oh, Christ.  Please not with the kids in the car. Anyway, he pulls out and follows her down the roadΓǪ

Jail.  Otto and Bobby.  Bobby winces, breathes in and shudderingly admits he slept with Luann.   Otto, of course, wants to know ΓÇÿhow longΓÇÖ, and whether Bobby loved her. Bobby says no ΓÇô and that she was the only one who mattered to Otto.  Bobby tells Otto about Georgie, and whether he killed Georgie.   And Bobby opens his mouth and straight-up lies.  

WeΓÇÖre at the stash.  The club counts the bricks and ΓÇô wouldnΓÇÖt you know it, theyΓÇÖre one brick short.  29 instead of 30.   Everyone looks at one another and I wonder how many other hearts are beating as fast as JuiceΓÇÖs?  

Attached - Maggie Siff in Beverly Hills earlier this week.

Roshan Perera/Splash

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