Dear Gossips,

As you probably know, Star Wars: The Force Awakens is making all the money. Pre-sales have already exceeded $100 million. And the reviews are starting to come in – the movie is GOOD.

Yesterday the cast boarded a flight from LA to London to begin European promotion. As you can see, they flew on a special Star Wars aircraft, design inspired by R2-D2. Which is great. Because R2 deserves his own plane!

But look. Do you see?

There he is, that little famewhore BB-8, always lurking. Look at him, all cute and precocious and young, of course he’s young, it’s all anyone can talk about.

R2 is way too classy – and busy, clearly – to be bothered. But he endured the Hayden Christensen era. He had to live through Jar Jar Binks! And now this squirt thinks he can come along on his invisible rollers and just coast on good times?

Pay your dues, son!

Yours in gossip,