A teaser trailer for John Carter was released the other day featuring Taylor Kitsch very shirtless, very cut, very hot, and, um, not saying much. I suppose that’s the point.

It does what a teaser is supposed to do, sure, and that is tease us until the proper trailer can tell us more about the story. Hopefully. Right now my assumptions are that John Carter is the Jesus of Mars and that the movie is Cowboys & Aliens, but in reverse.

John Carter
will not be panelling at Comic-Con. The film is due out in March. They want to build the anticipation differently. Smart then to throw this online a week before the Nerd Herd convenes. And reaction has been largely positive. It’s a good sign that they’re taking the time to market it properly, strategically timing the rollout. Word is Disney wants this one bad.

The trailer is below. And here are a few shots of Taylor I’ve not posted before at an Apple store appearance in April. I’m sorry there are so few of them. But he’s not famous enough for more than one photo agency to have attended. Which means these shots are exclusive and expensive. Every time Kim Kardashian gets her goddamn toes painted, 8 thousand photographers are there waiting for the picture. Taylor Kitsch goes to a proper media event and ONE guy show up. F-ck.

Photos from John Lamparski/Eugene Gologursky/Gettyimages.com