Last week my family tried to watch The Bridge with me while I did my recap, and they were lost, so the simplest explanation I could come up with was, “There was a whole thing about the border and missing women and corruption and cartels, but that all turned out to be a ruse for your basic revenge plot/excuse to become a serial killer.” And I think that’s my issue with The Bridge. It’s well made, there are some consistent bright spots (creepy Steven, for one), but all the interesting border stuff from the beginning amounted to nothing. The judge and Christina Fuentes, the missing girls of Juarez, what Rich Widow’s ranch has to do with anything at this point—all of it is just window dressing for the Marco/Tate plot.

Basically I liked it better when Serial Killer Doug was an anonymous monster and everyone was scrambling after him and there was Lyle Lovett and competing cartel interests. David Tate is a wet blanket.

Also, last week I remarked that the weird farmer/preacher guy seemed familiar. He was Uncle Rico in Napoleon Dynamite! (Also, Lazlo in the classic Real Genius.)

All right, let’s do this so I can go watch It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

Not that it’s not a terrible tragedy, but I’m still not getting how Tate’s family dying turned him into a serial killer. If it was just the revenge plot, I would totally get it, but I don’t see how that connects to “The Beast”, the missing girls, et cetera.

Gus is like, “Why?”, and Tate is all, “Meh, something about my family.”

Hank and Marco have found Sonya, know Gus is missing. End scene.

Matthew Lillard is off the wagon. He confesses his part in Tate’s family death (partying with the rich kid Tate killed), and that instead of testifying against the rich kid he took a payday and a fancy job in Houston, courtesy Rich Father. So that’s why he got a bomb in his car.

“He big-timed me?”  Not helping my “I’d rather be watching Sunny” problem.

The music in this show is more like dark, ominous tones. (Name that reference.)

So Marco’s affair with Mrs. Tate was before Mrs. Marco, but she’s still all, “Whatever, jackass,” and is set on leaving him.

Cub Reporter drags Matthew Lillard to an AA meeting and he manages to be a dick even about getting sober. Thus I don’t care at all when Tate grabs him.

Diane Kruger has officially given up trying to mask her accent.

Tate abandoned his car at a cemetery, but no sign of Gus. If I were a serial killer, I think I’d bury my victims in cemeteries. I feel like no one would notice, right? …Or does no one else think about where to hide the body?

Rich Widow’s dead husband left her the ranch, but all the money and easily liquidated assets went to his daughter. WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?

Gus is sealed inside some kind of container that’s slowly filling with water. David Tate is now a Bond villain, apparently.

They track down Tate’s serial killer lair (his elderly uncle’s empty house), and Marco takes off to meet Tate alone, depending on Sonya to lie and cover for him. Except she’s like, fundamentally incapable of lying. Great plan, bro.

Don Swayze is driving around in an ice cream truck, so he’s a pedophile. He’s also the one who planted the bugs in the guns, for the ATF. So Rich Widow kills him, and Shady Ray is like, “Oh no!” This is like a totally different show at this point.

Sonya’s half-dead from the accident and really ought to be in surgery, but she’s still at the office, trying to find the lead she just knows she’s missing, and Marco has gone off alone with Tate. Meanwhile, Gus is hip-deep in water.

Attached – Demian Bichir at TIFF