The Bridge Season 1, Episode 12 recap.

It’s the penultimate episode of The Bridge. Usually this is the episode where all the sh*t goes down, but we’ve already been through the big serial killer reveal, David Tate has already has his showdown, and Gus died in the previous episode. All that’s left is to wrap up whatever is going on with Rich Widow, resolve Creepy Steven’s plotline, and deal with the David Tate fallout. It feels like The Bridge already blew its wad and now we have two more episode to twiddle our thumbs.

We’re starting with Creepy Steven. Good sign—he’s the last best thing about this show. He’s all dressed up and visiting Uncle Rico’s farm. Aw, sad. He was going to propose to the Runaway Hooker, but she ran away. I don’t make these nicknames up out of thin air, you know.

Meanwhile, at the border, Runaway Hooker accepts a ride from a stranger. Do not tell me, that after all that boring-ass David Tate sh*t, he wasn’t Serial Killer Doug after all, and “The Beast” is still out there. Seriously. DON’T.

Sonya doesn’t want to get rid of her wrecked Bronco because it belonged to her dead sister. Then she goes to visit Marco, who has a grief beard. He officially does not have time for her sh*t. Or the DA’s, apparently. They’ve got David Tate’s hearing coming up but he’s more interested in cultivating his grief beard.

Oh Rich Widow. I don’t care about you at all.

Creepy Steven goes to Sonya for help finding Runaway Hooker and he shows her around his desert trailer. Which, it turns out, is where he nurses abused women back to health before helping them start new lives. He burns their clothes so the people who chase after them can’t find the abused women.

Oh my God. Do you know what this means? This means that instead of f*cking around with dumbass David Tate, we could have been watching a show all about Sonya and Marco teaming up to help Creepy Steven search for missing women around the border, pitting them against Serial Killer Doug, thus involving the far more interesting plots about The Beast and the missing women of Juarez. WHY WASN’T THIS THE WHOLE PLOT OF SEASON ONE?

Update: Matthew Lillard is still alive, and also still a dick.

Runaway Hooker is with the Mexican police, saying someone locked her up. So they…lock her up.

One thing this show has done right is the development of Sonya and Marco’s friendship. Sonya putting drunk Marco to bed and talking about Gus and then taking care of him the next morning is really nice. They’ve actually earned this rapport. And it creates a nice foil to the beginning of the season when Marco was patient and understanding with Sonya.

Creepy Steven, out looking for Runaway Hooker—Eva! She has a name!—puts a missing poster up on a wall plastered with hundreds of other missing posters. THIS is what we’ve been missing since like, episode 5. Sonya is also looking for her, at Marco’s station, but she’s not in the system. But she went to the police…?

Cub Reporter throws down with her mom while Matthew Lillard is over for dinner. There is nothing worse than being at a friend’s house when their family fights. Except also being in a wheelchair with no way to get home when your friend storms out in a rage.

Oh, ugh. Eva is delivered to Fausto Galvan’s house, clearly drugged to the gills, and she’s repeatedly raped by Galvan’s men, including a bunch of cops. No wonder Marco’s captain was so sketchy when Sonya went to look for her. They said they didn’t find anything in the system, but the cops are clearly in Fausto’s pocket.

Creepy Steven is going to lose his sh*t when he finds out what’s happened to Eva.

Hank really is the best. He pep-talks Marco into testifying against David Tate.

Cub Reporter’s younger sister is a factory worker. A lot of the missing women were factory workers, including Eva, who went to work there after leaving Uncle Rico’s farm. Seriously—why did we waste all that time on David Tate?! Why not just establish that Marco’s son died right off, that way he can be crazy or whatever, if that’s even a necessary character point, and get right to all these threads about the missing girls and the factory and Fausto Galvan and the cops?

And don’t be like, “Oh, season two,” because season one has been so uneven and frustrating that I’m over it already.

Celia tells Marco that she saw Eva at the police station and that a cop took her away. Meanwhile, Creepy Steven is out in the desert with dozens of others, poking around in the dirt, looking for bodies. Crosses mark where they’ve previously found missing women.