While George Clooney talks to dogs and Stacy Keibler lives at “our house”, her predecessor is in Cannes, getting groped on a yacht by Admiral General Aladeen.  

I mean...

I guess you always go back to your beginnings. Which means someday I’ll be a nerd again with thick glasses following around mah-jong ladies in Hong Kong.

Stunting is a Cannes ritual. Usually it’s the stars of an animated film making a spectacle at a photo call. One year Jerry Seinfeld, for Bee Movie, ziplined from the top of the Carlton to the beach. In costume. Seeing Sacha Baron Cohen here tiring out his Dictator routine is pretty predictable.

As for the former Italian Queen Elisabetta Canalis, well, word is George sent her off with a $10 million split bonus. But money is never enough, is it? Money doesn’t fill the fame void. I’m actually really surprised she and Gerard Butler haven’t found each other yet.