Flashback to April 29, 2011…

Pippa’s ass alighting at Westminster Abbey, perfectly packaged in that white Alexander McQueen. And all the happy intrigue of that day (even though it was bullsh-t) between her and Prince Harry. A new Gossip Star is introduced!

And then…

Oh My God, Pippa Middleton is So. F-cking. Boring.

And by boring I mean she’s Medium. Pippa Middleton isn’t tacky and scandalous enough so as to entertain us with any low classy shenanigans. And, frankly, Pippa Middleton isn’t elegant and/or sophisticated and/or elite and/or privileged and/or stylish and/or beautiful enough to offer us anything aspirational. She’s Medium to Just Miss.

Like this outfit she wore the other day.

Here’s Pippa walking to work. The leather jacket, it’s great right? So you see her from the shoulders down, it’s good around the torso, you’re still excited now, I mean this could be some memorable steeze and you move to the waist, it’s still alriight… and then all the way down…




Those boots. They’re so wrong. And they miss. It was almost but…just miss. That pretty much sums up Pippa Middleton for me. She’s papped every single day. And they try to make me care with a story every day. And still….I don’t give a sh-t. I so, so, SO wanted to 8 months ago, I really, really did. But Pippa was like Pan Am. A major letdown.