The Walking Dead season 2 episode 5 recap

Another cold-open flashback, this time of a traffic jam that shows us the survivors finding each other on the highway. Revisiting Carol’s horrid husband, I’m still glad he got eaten by zombies in season one. We see the military napalming the streets of Atlanta, Redeker-styles. This is the truly awful part of considering a zombified future. There’s no way you don’t end up razing cities, and any survivors left. That’s why step 3 of my zombie survival plan is “head for open country” (after “obtain weapons” and “stockpile food”).

Carol, in an effort at not being completely useless, suggests she and Horrible Lori cook dinner for Herchel and his fellow farm cannibals as a sort of thank you. Secret’s in the sauce, Carol.

Oh but no, Carol is totally pointless and so she wants Horrible Lori to ask if they can use the farmhouse kitchen to cook. She says that Horrible Lori is sort of their “first lady”. God help you all, then.

Officer Rick emerges for the first time in ages in something other than his deputy uniform. Andrew Lincoln is wearing the sh*t out of his jeans.

We meet a new cannibal from the farm as he volunteers to help search for Sophia. The group talks about target practice again. Jesus, just do it already. The new guy makes fun of Daryl for believing in the chupacabra. Daryl says, “You believe dead people are walking around?” Point to Daryl.

Glenn hits up Maggie for another “rendezvous” and she shoots him down a little more harshly than is warranted. Why are all the women on this show useless and/or bitches? This is starting to bug me.

Rick goes off into the woods alone with Stupid Shane, because that can’t possibly end badly. He says the only way to talk to Shane is to talk about the girls Shane has banged. Can’t wait until they get to, “Remember the time I was banging your wife while you searched desperately for her after the zombie apocalypse happened?” Stupid Shane confuses “protégé” and “prodigy”, thus justifying his nickname. Shane was apparently a player in high school and Rick sounds like he might have been a bit of a geek.

Shane shelves his stupidity for a minute and challenges Rick’s persistence in looking for Sophia. He calls out Rick’s clinging to the past and says he’s going to have to start making some hard choices in the name of survival. So I guess Rick should shoot Shane in the leg and leave him for zombie bait, as per the Stupid Shane Survival Guide. Rick says he’s still looking for Sophia because she trusted him. No she didn’t, dude. She ran off at the first opportunity because she 1) doesn’t listen and 2) didn’t trust you.

Daryl finds a doll in a creek bed—did Sophia have a doll with her? I can’t remember. And it’s Daryl’s turn to be seriously injured. He’s impaled on one of his own arrows after falling down an embankment. Crap.

Darly = Hillbilly Macgyver. He makes a bandage out of his shirt sleeves, thus bringing back the Norman Reedus Gun Show. He wisely leaves the arrow in. Being a total badass, Daryl climbs up a cliff while still run through with an arrow.

Daryl >>> Everyone else

Glen confronts Horrible Lori. He’s beginning to figure out that she’s horrible. Although she’s not quite as bad when she supports Rick after Stupid Shane has challenged his decision making. Lori reminds Rick that he’s doing the best he can and that Shane’s idea of survival involves using people as live bait.

Man, Herchel is kind of a dick.

After falling and hitting his head, Daryl sees Merle, who proceeds to give him the worst pep talk of all time. Except it’s not really Merle, it’s a zombie. Daryl pulls the arrow from his side to shoot another zombie. One wonders if the Merle hallucination spewing crap about getting revenge on Rick for handcuffing the real Merle to a pipe will have dire consequences.

Midway point: The search for Sophia continues, Rick and Shane butt heads over Rick’s leadership, Herchel treats Rick like an indentured servant and DARYL IS A BADASS.

Daryl is now down to his dirty undershirt. He’s turning into a survivalist hunk, right? Ewww, except for now he’s eating a squirrel raw. Nevermind. Gross. And now he’s making a necklace out of zombie ears. Disgusting. Not even the gun show makes that okay.

The Merle hallucination returns and continues haranguing Daryl. There is SO MUCH subtext to this that will have meaning later.

“Grab your friend Rick’s hand.” That is all.

God do we hate Herchel.

Glenn points out that all the women in the group are useless/bitchy, and he blames this on them all being on their periods at the same time. The quality of this show is directly related to how much Glenn appears in each episode. Dale and Glenn have the worst heart to heart ever.

Andrea is a totally sh*t lookout and mistakes Daryl for a zombie. Because she, like all the women on this show, is completely incapable of listening, she fires on the “zombie” despite repeated warnings not to. She clips Daryl.

GOD DO WE HATE ANDREA.

At this point, Herchel has to be thinking, “Can these people ever not be grievously injured?”

The gulf between Stupid Shane and Rick widens. Their opposing views on post-apocalyptic morality are interesting and everything, but I’d rather see it play out in the field, not in a series of conversations.

Andrea: “I shot Daryl.”
Dale: “Don’t be too hard on yourself. We’ve all wanted to shoot Daryl.”
More of this, please.

Now that Lori’s pregnancy is confirmed, I’m naming the baby “Lori’s Horrible Mistake”.

Dinner at the Farm of Doom involves a kid’s table, at which Glenn is seated. Which is priceless.

Glenn asks if anyone can play guitar. Turns out, Otis The Fat Cannibal was really good. Silence descends.

Maggie sets up an assignation with Glenn. He suggests the barn. Maggie panics. I don’t call this place the Farm of Doom for fun.

Aaaaaand there it is. A barn full of zombies.

Status check:
Officer Rick – Butting heads with Shane, looking good in jeans.
Horrible Lori – Back to yanking Shane around.
Stupid Shane – Totally amoral.
Daryl – Having a really bad day.
Andrea – Worst shot ever.
Farm of Doom – Chock full of zombies.
Sophia – Cannot possibly be worth all this hassle.

Worst thing seen/heard this episode: Daryl pulling the arrow out.

Zombie kill of the week:  Daryl at the river with a stick.