The Walking Dead Season 2 Episode 9

We start with Horrible Lori in the overturned car, now beset by zombies, of course. The women of TWD are good for two things: 1) being bitches and 2) getting into trouble from which men must rescue them. At this point, this is the single most unattractive issue of the show. They have GOT to fix this.

Cut to Officer Rick, Glenn and Hershel in the bar. Rick’s all, “Are you alright?” and Glenn’s like, “Yeah.” The subtext is Glenn screaming: “Am I alright?! You just MURDERED TWO PEOPLE!” Hershel and Rick exchange a loaded look. So much better than any conversation they could ever have. The goal for the writers should be to get through an episode with as little dialogue as possible.

As is always the case with Rick and his intentions, they’ve backfired spectacularly. Philadelphia Dave and his fat friend (seriously, how are people still fat when they’re on the run from zombie hordes?) had other friends outside, who were alerted to trouble by the gunfire. Rick et al are now trapped in the saloon.

“Being Rick Grimes” could be an episode of Dirty Jobs.

Back to Horrible Lori in the car. I do not give a SH*T about this plotline. God I hope she gets her face eaten by a zombie. Although she does commit to a pretty badass kill with the…steering lever? Was that what that was? She is immediately beset by other zombies. Can’t be good for the baby.

There was a lucky handgun in the car. Because every car in the south has a handgun under the seats.

The farm people are just now realizing Lori is gone.

You know how there are compulsive liars? I think Rick is a compulsive truth-teller. He confesses to killing those guys to their friends, which promptly starts a gunfight.

Daryl continues on his anti-social track, refusing to help find anyone. Daryl is seeing this “being a little bitch” trip all the way to the end, isn’t he?

Back at the bar, Glenn is going to get himself shot.

Of course it’s Stupid Shane who goes after Horrible Lori. Here’s hoping they both get their faces gnawed off.

Glenn’s reaction to Rick’s plan for getting to the car says everything about Rick’s skill as a planner. He ends up pinned behind a dumpster with Rick. Which is actually the best possible outcome.

The others abandon the fight in favor of fleeing the zombie-infested town. Or, the one remaining friend flees. Hershel has shot one and the other jumped off the roof of the bar but missed the truck bed and broke his legs. His friend drove off and left him. Which means that Rick will make some attempt to save the poor bastard that will only cause more problems.

Yep, there goes Rick to help that guy, even as zombies eat the face (for real, that’s happening!) off the dude Hershel shot.

Okay, so the guy that jumped didn’t break his leg, he got it impaled through a fancy fence. Rick is trying to save him, Hershel wants to mercy kill him since his leg is completely run through, and Glenn suggests field amputation. Guess which one Rick goes for?

FIELD AMPUTATION.

I appreciate that Rick really wants to save this kid, but really, what good is he going to be with only one leg? He’ll be a liability forever. Might as well stamp “Shane’s zombie bait” on his forehead. Overrun with zombies, there’s no time for the amputation. Instead, Rick wrenches the guy’s leg off the fence.

Stupid Shane finds Horrible Lori and lies to her, telling her Rick and the others are safe. Still don’t give a sh*t about these two.

Back to Daryl yelling at Carol for not watching Sophia closely enough. Why is this still a thing?

And so Stupid Shane’s lies are exposed. And also, Horrible Lori’s pregnancy is revealed. A moment which Carl ruins with his SH*TTY ACTING.

Horrible Lori tells Stupid Shane that Rick knows about their affair. Predictably, he reacts badly. When he gets like this, Stupid Shane gets pretty scary. He’s going to attempt to kill Rick soon, right?

Maggie recounts the time the comatose chick had a wild overreaction to finding Maggie’s birth control pills. I think this story is less cute than intended.

ANDREA IS CRAZY. Her new name is “Crazy Andrea”. She’s all, “Shane is awesome” and Dale’s all, “He’s a f*cking whackjob!”

Rick and his crew get back just in time to stop the search party from leaving. Rick’s big plan for the new guy, Randall, is to help him get well enough to walk then send him on his way with a canteen. Rick would’ve made an awesome pirate. He has the same sense of “fairness”.

Hershel stands up to Stupid Shane and reminds him of who’s in charge. Maybe not the best tactic, actually.

Glenn tells Maggie that her loving him is a burden and it held him back from helping at the saloon. Caring is not an advantage (does anyone get this?).

Crazy Andrea thinks Stupid Shane’s problems would be solved by a “lighter touch”. She’s worried not about his total lack of moral compass, but his “presentation”. Nothing good can come of Crazy Andrea and Stupid Shane agreeing about anything.

Rick and Horrible Lori talk about Stupid Shane and Lori’s Horrible Mistake and how off his rocker Shane is. Horrible Lori is clearly scared of Stupid Shane and starts talking some sense into Rick about it. Those two are headed for a showdown.

Status check:
Officer Rick: Home safe and sound, Randall in tow.
Horrible Lori: Frightened of Stupid Shane, showing signs of sensibility.
Stupid Shane: Going to get his ass handed to him by Rick.
Andrea: Totally crazy now.
Daryl: Somehow being a bigger bitch than any of the women.

Worst thing seen/heard this week: Rick pulling Randall’s leg off the fence.
Zombie kill of the week: Lori in the car with the steering lever.

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