The Walking Dead Season 3 Episode 12 recap

We’re hitting the final five episodes of The Walking Dead and I have decided these sixteen-episode seasons are too long. If the show was more consistent we wouldn’t notice the drag but it’s not and so we do. Even though season three started off strong, it, too, has fallen victim to the doldrums. Also, another showrunner (this time Glen Mazzara) was canned during production, so we’re dealing with another Time of Troubles behind the scenes that is bleeding into the show’s final product. I never thought I would say this but The Walking Dead is kind of a chore to watch.

So this episode is the one I’m dubbing “gun running” since the entire point is for Rick to better arm the group against the Governor. They need more weapons because Rick keeps running off all the people that could help them in the fight.

And this is why I can’t write this show off. The establishing shot is of a sign put up near the road: Erin, we tried for Stone Mountain. J. I don’t mind not seeing other people outside Rick & Co. and whoever they’re currently fighting, but those touches that remind us that the whole world has gone to sh*t are great. The production values have, at least, never abated.

Rick, Carl and Michonne in a car must be the single most uncommunicative group ever.

They blow past a hitchhiker. See? There’s one more body between them and the Governor. What? I’m not saying they need to be friends with all these people, I’m saying they need numbers for the fight.

Carl attempting to act = pressing his lips together firmly.

Car wreck, with zombie pinned under truck. These are the images I live for. Michonne stops the car and they get stuck, naturally, and are instantly set upon by zombies.

One zombie has a bracelet. Erin.

Rick seems to be calm again. At least, he’s dealing with Carl’s sass-mouthing without flipping his sh*t.

They are determined to completely f*ck over this hitchhiker. They keep ditching him. It would be kind of funny if he followed them and they kept being like, “Get away, you maggot.”

Speaking of funny, SNL tackled The Walking Dead in a sketch last weekend about the characters preferring to deal with a zombie than be seen as racist. It worked fairly well but the better punchline would be the characters totally ignoring the black character, who is also not allowed to speak, because that’s pretty much how the show goes.

So are they going in circles? Because they’re back at Rick’s old police station.

I’m too far removed from season one to associate the pile of burned bodies with whoever they were supposed to be.

More excellent production design—background graffit: No Guilt. You know that.

So the town has a defensive line set up that is scary as sh*t. And there’s a sniper in a helmet on the roof. They want Rick’s gun and Michonne’s sword, which obviously they’re not getting. Fight ensues. This is one thing season 3 is doing right in spades, showing how fractured society has become, how far gone everyone is.

Carl shoots some dude in his first (attempted) regular murder, but the guy had on body armor.


I wondered what happened to him, if we were all going to act like Rick never made a friend in season 1.

Rick’s reaction to how far gone Morgan is calls back to Andrea’s reaction to Rick.

Morgan has some Indiana Jones-level booby traps set up. It’s like the world’s worst game of Mouse Trap.

Morgan’s son, Duane, is MIA and he has crazy stuff written all over the walls. So Morgan’s lost it. Also, no matter how they feel about him, they’re totally stealing all his weapons.

Written on the walls: Duane turned.

Rick wants to wait for Morgan to wake up. No one else does.

Morgan drew a map of the town and Rick’s old house is gone. Carl has no reaction to this because he is either a robot or a terrible actor, depending on your perspective.

Michonne goes with Carl to find a crib and Carl ditches her, because he’s a moron.

Morgan wakes up and pulls a knife because he’s psycho. And he stabs Rick, because Rick’s life cannot get any worse.

So Morgan and Duane actually did try to follow Rick with the radio but they eventually lost him. And Morgan’s pissed because he thinks Rick has gotten off easy or something. Of course, Morgan’s zombie wife ate Duane, so maybe Rick has gotten off easy, comparatively.

Morgan’s a crazy assh*le now.

What is in this café that Carl wants so bad? A photo of his family for Judith.

Of course they get set upon by a zombie horde, because all of Carl’s ideas SUCK.

Finally, someone calls out Carl’s bullsh*t running-off ways. He’s such a bullsh*t runner-offer, there’s even a tee shirt.

Okay, Michonne going back for the photo and also returning with an ugly cat statue for herself is kind of fantastic. Except that it takes her approximately three seconds to go back in the zombie-infested diner and come back out, which makes no sense.

Rick tries to recruit Morgan but Morgan reads the intent of taking all those guns and is like, “No thanks.” So Rick leaves him. Will we see Morgan ever again?

Hopefully Morgan being so f*cking nuts is a sign to Rick to stop being crazy himself.

Michonne bonds with Rick over seeing things, because she used to talk to her dead boyfriend. So she’s part of the group now, I guess. Hopefully this translates to more dialogue for her. She’s way better than, say, Andrea.

Oh, so the pile of burned bodies is Morgan’s doing, his “clearing”. Got it.


Man, they really hated that hitchhiker.

Status Check:
Rick – Still a way better person than the zombie apocalypse deserves.
Michonne – Loves ugly cat sculptures.
Carl – Refuses to stay put, will get everyone killed.
Morgan – Bugf*ck crazy.
Andrea – Mercifully absent.

Worst thing seen/heard this episode: Basically, every sh*tty thing that has happened to Morgan.
Zombie kill of the week: Michonne to the head with the katana.

Attached -- The Walking Dead cast at Paleyfest this weekend. (Lainey: What are those pants on Laurie Holden?!?)