The trailer for This Means War was released online yesterday. The movie was shot in Vancouver, starring Tom Hardy and Chris Pine as CIA agents in love with the same woman, warring, literally, with like bombs and sh-t, over her heart. So, obviously, totally preposterous. This is what we’re dealing with. And, you know, that’s ok. Superhero movies are preposterous too. And they can be good. And there are certainly some good elements offered in the preview.

Like the chemistry between Hardy and Pine. It’s working for me so far. This, actually, seems to be a Chris Pine skill. He was great with Zachary Quinto in Star Trek, I liked him opposite Denzel Washington in Unstoppable. Here too up against Tom Hardy I’m kinda into what’s happening between the two of them. I don’t think I’ll mind their scenes together. And for Tom Hardy especially, it’s a smart career choice to showcase some variety. So much of his work is so dark, so intense, it’s important to demonstrate that he is versatile, can also thrive with lighter material.

But the problem...

The problem is Reese Witherspoon. And also Chelsea Handler.

You don’t think I want to root for the women? Of course I want to root for the women? But HOW do you root for these women???

Every other scene featuring Reese Witherspoon in this trailer she is talking to herself which, I really, really hate when a character talks to herself. It’s so f-cking lazy. It’s so beneath her. She is a lot better than this. She’s better than the beautiful blonde with no other redeeming qualities to explain why TWO men would die for her and an obnoxious horny foul-mouthed friend.

What, then, is the motivation here?

Cash Money. Always Cash Money.

Pretty soon, given her recent box office, she won’t be able to ask for $12 million anymore. So Reese is taking as many $12 million paycheques as she can until they dry up. Going through the motions to pay off the 100 acres of whatever, the house for the family, the trust fund for the kids. Going through the motions is exactly what you’re seeing here in this clip. Hey, we all have mouths to feed, ok? I can’t judge. I’m just saying, you’d be surprised at how much MORE the word “MORE” means in Hollywood. More is what compels Reese Witherspoon to play Katherine Heigl.