Lainey may choose to offer her thoughts on this on Monday but given her schedule today I get first stab at it.

Tiger Woods finally came out of hiding. Photos appeared of him jogging the other day, taken by a sanctioned photographer as Lainey pointed out. More photos yesterday taken by the same photographer (see attached) of him practicing. And then of course, today’s press conference interestingly timed during a tournament sponsored by Accenture, the first company to drop him after the scandal.

It’s obvious to everyone that the message was well crafted. Of course it was. Why wouldn’t it have been? He’s worth 30 kazillion dollars and they had months to plan it, probably because Tiger was too stubborn to listen to his people and do this early. Either that or they had to wait until his face healed.

His pre-conference pep talk by his publicist? “Tiger…anytime you say the words ‘I’m sorry’, make sure to pause, look deeply into the camera, and look as sincere as you can even though it looked creepy during practice. And look down and pause a few times as though you feel pain”. Unfortunately given that Tiger is about as animated and expressive as a 4-iron, it wasn’t very convincing.

I believe that Tiger is still all about Tiger. He is still stubborn. Still selfish. Still scripted. And “sex addicted”? Please. You can put me and every straight male I know into that category. Difference is, most of us choose to tug it out in the shower if we have to instead of acting on it with every waitress who ever asked what we’ll be having. That being said, the conference will probably call off the hounds as the admissions of guilt were almost over the top. But sincere it was not.

The only time he really got choked was when the first time he referenced the mistakes he had made, probably because he still feels like the pussy he had should be his own business and that he should still be getting all the praise and sponsorship he had. Even his “anger” at the fact that his wife and kids are followed by paps felt scripted.

Credit where it’s due to team Tiger for addressing some important points. That he felt entitled. That he felt the rules didn’t apply to him. That it was his fault and his fault only. You have to wonder if that level of admission would have been required had he come out of hiding and addressed it months ago. Probably not, but this late in the game anything less would have kept the questions coming later on.

What stood out most throughout this process including today, however, is that ultimately Tiger’s greatest loyalties are to his sponsors (after himself). So it’s not surprising that he took time to address them too in front of what was a gathering of friends and family. And it’s no coincidence that the conference came at the start of the Accenture. Reporters will flock to the course, ask all the players for reaction, speculate on a return date, boost Golf Channel ratings, and so on.

Here’s to hoping that this conference might finally provide some closure. Tiger plays golf and that’s the most interesting thing about him. Don’t sell me clubs. Don’t sell me investments. Don’t sell me cars. Don’t sell me watches or video games or some bullsh-t that you’re a family man with strong principles. Please just don’t even talk. You bore me when you do anyway. Play golf and show the world that you’re so ice cold that you can come back from what would be a backbreaking scandal for most and dominate like you were never phased any of it. Like you have a chip on your shoulder cause you feel it was your business all along. I want to see angry Tiger on the course. I want to see him win tourneys by 15 strokes again. Not because I want him to do well as a person. I don’t like him. But because I want him to show me that he is the cold, ruthless winning machine he has always appeared to be. That would be entertaining.

Written by Jacek
Photos from Sam Greenwood/Pool/