Dear Gossips,

Tom Cruise has a movie coming out a month from tomorrow. It’s the Jack Reacher sequel, Jack Reacher: Never Go Back. That title. Why is that title? Because Tom Cruise still lives in the 80s. The 90s were great for him too, actually. And the early part of the millennium. We’ll come back to that in a minute.

To promote Jack Reacher: Never Go Back/Don’t Try Me/You Underestimated The Wrong Guy, they’ve released a low-tech video promotional game called Jack Reacher: Never Stop Punching. And basically it’s just Tom Cruise doing what Tom Cruise does in all his movies. You know this. Even he knows this, because it’s been added to his Twitter bio:

Tom Cruise runs. As The Verge points out though, his run technique is not entirely accurate in the game. Tom Cruise runs AT the camera and his fingers are extended, hands splayed. Donkey Kong Tom however has his fists balled together. I guess that’s how he Never Stops Punching. Click here to play. Then, if you’re in the mood, you can watch the Tom Cruise running tribute that someone put on YouTube set to Bonnie Tyler’s Holding Out For A Hero: he’s gotta be sure and he’s gotta be larger than life.

In the 90s and early 2000s, they were. They were Tom Cruise and Johnny Depp and Brad Pitt, three of the biggest movie stars in the world. They – or we – don’t make movie stars like they used to. But these three movie stars who they, or we, made aren’t quite so heroic anymore. They went from larger than life to very, very human. What excuses do we make for heroes who became human though?

Yours in gossip,