Katie, the bump, and more conspiracy theories

Lainey Posted by Lainey at April 6, 2006 12:00:00 April 6, 2006 12:00:00
The gossip community was abuzz yesterday when new photos (from JustJared) surfaced of Katie and the multi-morphous mass, lending more fuel to the neverending debate about whether or not this thing is indeed a human/alien being or a pillow shoved up her shirt for maximum scientological illusion. Still others believe the mother ship already arrived and that the “birth” is actually being timed to build MI:3 momentum. For the record, I don’t believe this was/is a fake pregnancy. I wouldn’t, however, put it past the wily GMD and his hired henchman to strategically coordinate the exact time and place and date of arrival. Could she have possibly delivered a few days ago and replaced it with a basketball? Me personally? I don’t think so. Yes, I can see the obviously odd positioning of her bump. My colleague Michelle couldn’t take her eyes off of it when I first showed her. However, from a different angle, it doesn’t look too suspect. And (now we’re really spending waaaay too much time on this) if you look even closer, you’ll see that on the “not so strange” pics, the folds of her shirt look a lot more gathered around her belly whereas in the fake baby shot, the material is taut and smooth, suggesting that the wind took it up a bit, giving the illusion of a much higher mound. Look. Y’all know I’d love nothing more than to believe this sh*t is a huge fraud and to a certain extent, it just might be. After all, can we say for sure that his spunk ain’t junk? But there’s been absolutely NOTHING to substantiate the pre-delivery claim and so far, my sources have been rock solid on this one. Let’s spend our time instead focusing on how he’ll use his mini martian to further his film career. Do not be surprised to see him pontificating about the babe on every talk show and red carpet from now until June. Do not be surprised if he pulls out a “never been seen” photo of the little tyke for Billy Bush and Access Hollywood. Do not be surprised if someone at some European opening faints unexpectedly and gets rescued in true Ethan Hunt fashion in the presence of 10,000 cameras and fans. That, my friends, is where the machinations are being directed. Stay tuned…

Previous Article Next Article