He’s been a pop culture punch line for years now thanks to his fontrum-y love for Katie Holmes and Oprah’s couch and Matt Lauer’s glibness and, well, somewhere along the way, Tom Cruise just became painfully uncool. So we laugh at him. But did you expect Xenu to be laughing at him too? His very, very best friend? The best man at his wedding? His fellow little macho man David Miscavige? 

According to Mark Rathbun, an ex Church member who’s been spilling its secrets, Tom was required to record his deepest darkest secrets per Scientology policy – I guess it’s how they heal each other. Click here and click here for more information. Apparently Miscavige took these recordings and giggled over them with others at his cocktails parties. Rathbun is revealing Miscavige’s betrayal in an attempt to shake the foundation of Tom’s faith, hoping he’ll finally break away from Xenu’s hold. 

Oh but it’s too late now. Because... what was on those confessionals? Rathbun is careful not to say. But, well, does he really have to? That’s what happens then, non? First they promise to “fix” you, then when you can’t be fixed they end up controlling you. They will put their “ethics” in you. Chills, chills, chills. 

Here’s Katie Holmes with Little Sci shopping over the weekend. As always, he remains hidden and stealth, venturing out only when necessary. What does he do in his private chamber?


Photos from Flynetonline.com