Balls to the Wall. Only way to describe Janice Min and Us Weekly…Love, love, love.

This week’s issue – Inside Katie’s Prison, I’ve just read the details and it is juicy, dirty smut...the BEST kind!

Apparently he controls her every move, he screens her calls, he is making decisions about her career, she is crying for hours at a time on the phone with Victoria Beckham, and as punishment for that and for Posh not wanting to play with Scientology, he refused to let Katie go to Milan with Vicky recently to hook up with Roberto Cavalli.

The craziest part? One source is quoted: Tom’s psychopathic tendencies are showing up from time to time”. Whoa Nelly! Did they just call the GMD a PSYCHOPATH???

Also printed in the magazine – Katie is a puppet. Not news to us…but to see it in black and white in the pages of Hollywood’s Gossip Bible? Oh Janice… I worship you.

Other details: Katie has a passive personality, she is not pregnant, she is also not going to leave him. Because despite the unhappiness, she is determined to make it work.

Needless to say, just to cover their asses, Us is also quoting other pro-Cruise sources as saying that everything is fine. That there is no truth to the rumours…

But still. You have to applaud the magazine’s bravery. And their clever clever hinting. Especially in this passage:

“Their agreement is she has to be married to him for 15 years to get a dime.”

Holy sh-t! I mean seriously gossips…the Church will NOT be pleased. In fact, the Church will be angry. And as a result, Us Weekly will be on their sh-t list. And legend has it, the Church is not kind to those on the sh-t list.

PS. How do you think the MiniVan Majority will react? Will they dismiss it? Will they believe it? Will the tide turn against Tom and his RoboBride? Will the MiniVan pull off their blinders?

Let the Goddess walk with Janice Min. Praise Janice for going where Andrew Morton evidently gave up… WTF??? Us Weekly

Check out rest of the article in Us Weekly.