Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes were married 5 years ago Friday. I’ve attached my favourite of all their wedding photos and oh my God I still can’t believe what an ugly dress Armani made for her.

Look at him all intense, staring into her eyes.

You know, since Charlene of Serenity came along though, it kinda puts Katie’s dead eyes into perspective.

Tom and Katie celebrated in Pittsburgh where he’s been working on One Shot playing Jack Reacher. On Saturday they took Little Sci skating. He probably wishes he could walk around in skates all the time.

Be honest, when he f-cking gripped her in a death-lock on Oprah in 2005, did you think they’d still be a couple in 2011? See? This is what we gossiped about in 2005!? Katie Holmes, out of NOWHERE, dating Tom Cruise!

Everyone always talks about the couch-jumping on Oprah but to me, the best part of that interview was when he started talking about “needing to know my woman!” And of course he followed that up by dragging his future wife out on stage. For all the people who were like - ok, he was f-cked up and weird, who were the ladies SCREAMING WITH APPROVAL in the audience?

I can’t watch this without feeling really, really uncomfortable. And at the same time really, really, REALLY happy . Gossip was so good. And it was so good that it made Dane Cook funny, for once. Like the only time he’s ever been funny. Actually, the best part of that Dane Cook thing was Nelly sitting beside him like, do I need to beat this dude’s ass?

Start at 6:40 for the start of the really good bit: