This is the party I would have really wanted to be at. 

Us Weekly is reporting that on October 16th, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes were in London attending a Scientology event with thousands of other Xenu lovers to celebrate the 25th anniversary of the International Association of Scientologists. Tom even delivered some oratory fireworks, a speech that had them hootin’ and hollerin’ in the aisles as he shouted: 

"Because we never took our eyes off the ultimate prize, we stand where we are today. We are in this together!"

Then a choir started to sing and Tom, with Katie and Little Sci beside him, started “swaying”, swept up in the rapture. Apparently his wife tried endearingly to match his fervour but she couldn’t find the beat. I thought she used to be a dancer? Why is she rhythm challenged? 

Maybe she was thrown off by the protesters outside. Tom has a special word for them. He was overhead telling a fellow Thetan worshiper that, “They're squirrels. Stuck in an electronic incident. It makes me so angry!"

Bronson Pinchot is about to be called a stuck squirrel in an electronic incident too. Have you heard about this interview making the rounds? 

Bronson of course is best known for playing Balki in Perfect Strangers. He also worked with Tom Cruise in Risky Business. His words:

We didn’t know (Risky Business) was going to be a big hit. We thought Tom [Cruise] was the biggest bore on the face of the Earth. He had spent some formative time with Sean Penn—we were all very young at the time, Tom was 20, I was 23. Tom had picked up this knack of calling everyone by their character names, because that would probably make your performance better, and I don’t agree with that. I think that acting is acting, and the rest of the time, you should be you, but he called us all by our character names. He was tense and made constant, constant unrelated homophobic comments, like, “You want some ice cream, in case there are no gay people there?” I mean, his lingo was larded with the most… There was no basis for it. It was like, “It’s a nice day, I’m glad there are no gay people standing here.” 

Very, very strange.

Years and years later when people started to torment him with that, I used to think “God, that’s really fitting, because he tormented a lot of people as a 20-year-old.” He made such a big deal about it. 

I really don’t know (if he was insecure or just immature). It is what it is; there’s nothing I can add to it. If someone’s 20 years old and every third line out of their mouth is anti-something specific, then draw your own conclusion. I thought it was very weird.

Oh, no (I didn’t think he’d be exciting onscreen). I thought the movie would disappear. It just goes to show you, I obviously don’t have the antennae for that. I didn’t see it at all, but neither did any of the actors. All of the actors who talked about him were like, “What is this guy all about?” And you know, honestly, I never got it, and I don’t get it to this day. But it was his breakout film. He always talked about himself like he was a mega-superstar; that was weird, too. 

This is my new favourite line. 

About ice cream. Ice cream for gays. 

Like there was ever any doubt, right? 

Click here for the full Pinchot interview. If I were him, I’d go into hiding. Chills, chills, chills. 

Attached – Tom Cruise and Scientology head David Miscavige. They like riding motorbikes and not going for ice cream.