Tom Cruise and his RoboBride celebrate 2 years of wedded bliss today. Two years ago the entire world was invited to Rome. And David Miscavige was Tom’s maid of honour. And Katie Holmes’s imprisonment continues. 

However despite the rumours and the bullsh-t headlines concocted by Life & Style, twice now proclaiming the end of the marriage, Tom’s hold on KatE is as firm as ever. And this article in the new issue of Hello Canada offers insight from “insiders” and even Tom and Robo themselves about the state of their union. 

As you’d expect, Tom is smug about the success of the relationship, much like anyone who’s paid for an acquisition or a dictator over his oppressed:

“And they said it wouldn’t last. I guess we proved them wrong, didn’t we?”

Really? Who said it wouldn’t last? We all knew it would last. Would we doubt the power of Xenu over a wide eyed young girl? 

And even Victoria Beckham, long thought to be at odds with her one time BFF is chiming in to support their love:

“If ever two people were right for each other and will be married forever, Tom and Katie are those two people”, said Posh. But she would know, non? After all, she understands sacrifice for the sake of a brand and togetherness at all cost.

But what about Katie? 

What about the dead eyes and the dulling of her glow?

A “friend” has apparently been procured to offer the following:

“I can tell you that during these past two years of marriage, she’s changed so much. She’s much more mature. She’s in control. She’s in charge of her emotions. She doesn’t take it all so seriously. I think she’s grown into her marriage with Tom and also grown into being a mother … There’s only one word to describe her: ‘evolved.’”

Robo has evolved.

So let’s examine the evolution, shall we? 

Photos attached of a fresh faced beautiful young Katie from way back and then through the courtship, the crazy, culminating in the now. 

Call me Cruise but if this is evolution, I’d rather stay behind. 

More details about Tom and Katie and their plans for more children in the new issue of Hello Canada due out tomorrow. 

PS. Remember when they went on TRL and couldn’t stop kissing? Ew! 

File photos from Wenn.com