It all went downhill for Tom Cruise after Oprah. After he fist pumped his way to crazy and dragged that poor child out onto the stage with him. 

Since then, he and the Mighty Opes have endured a period of estrangement. She, realising the public backlash against his strange behaviour, did not have his back when everyone started calling him a freak. She also did not attend his high profile wedding. Everyone went to his wedding. 

But Xenu’s is up against the wall. Xenu’s star disciple is experiencing a career crisis. As such, Tom Cruise apparently went grovelling back to Oprah, she with a flock more fervent and, more importantly, more affluent than Jesus’s. 

Yes, gossips… Tom Cruise is returning to Oprah. The Mighty Opes has generously forgiven him. 

Check in with here for more details about when the show will air and what it’s all about. 

The bottom line: Oprah is willing to help resurrect Tom. Oprah can pretty much resurrect anything. Tom lives on. 

PS. Oprah and Gayle, Oprah’s constant affirmation of John Travolta’s “marriage” to Kelly Preston, Oprah’s rapprochement to Tom Cruise… 

Does Oprah praise Xenu, ah-Thetan? 

Chills, chills, chills.