This is the trailer’s message -- don’t f-ck with Tom Cruise as Jack Reacher because he’s all mystery and stealth killer moves that will hurt you in the night time but not if you’re a woman in his bed. At least that’s what I think it is, and that’s a hard sell; it was a hard sell even before Katie Holmes broke up with him in public and told Xenu to piss off. 

Here’s the second trailer for Jack Reacher due out December 21 for those of you who don’t want to see The Hobbit, Les Miserables (um, why not not?!?), Monsters, Inc 3D, Django Unchained, and/or Zero Dark Thirty. I feel like “I want the truth” in a Tom Cruise movie is becoming the equivalent of Rob Schneider appearing in Adam Sandler’s.

OK fine, I smiled at the scene at the very end. A little.