Do you remember when The Mummy was an Indiana Jones-ish action-adventure about a smart librarian outwitting a mummy? You know, back when Brendon Fraser looked like this and didn’t have weird freaky hands? Remember Rachel Weisz and how cute and spunky she was, and how she was a total nerd who looked for answers in books while the dudes around her died because they were one-upping assholes? I love that version of The Mummy, but I’m not going to sit here and pretend like mummy movies have ever been about anything more than special effects and action beats—they haven’t, not since 1932.

But the new the reboot starring Tom Cruise looks really…generic. It hits all the expected Tom Cruise beats: Tom Cruise in an insane action sequences—can’t wait to hear about how they actually tossed Cruise out of a plane without a parachute—an unimaginable threat that only Tom Cruise can stop, and Tom Cruise running. (All Tom Cruise movies should just be called Tom Cruise Runs From….) This one also has bonus “Tom Cruise coming back from the dead because not even death can stop Xenu’s specialest friend”.

It reminds me of the Kong: Skull Island trailer and how that one only comes alive when John C. Reilly pops up, but The Mummy trailer has no John C. Reilly. It only has Tom Cruise being deadly serious about saving the world, AGAIN. We’re long past the point of special effects impressing us, we’ve seen Tom Cruise save the world several times, and we already have a couple good mummy movies, so I would like to know what The Mummy has to offer us in 2017 besides Tom Cruise running away from some dirt. There’s nothing in this trailer showing me that. But there is one thing The Mummy has going for it—no way is it worse than Dracula Untold.

Also attached - Annabelle Wallis at The British Independent Film Awards last night in London.