Most of them most the time just threaten to sue. They have their lawyer make a statement to the media all like, “we will be pursuing legal action” but the legal action never happens. Like Ashton Kutcher. And Chris Martin. And Jessica Simpson.

Tom Cruise however...

Tom Cruise didn’t just pretend to sue and not sue. Tom Cruise is suing. The paperwork is here and he’s mad at In Touch and Life & Style for saying he abandoned Suri. He wants $50 million in damages. His lawyer says that should he win he’ll donate that money to charity. Bert Fields explained in a statement that: 

"Tom is a caring father who dearly loves Suri. She's a vital part of his life and always will be. To say he has 'abandoned' her is a vicious lie. To say it in lurid headlines with a tearful picture of Suri is reprehensible. Tom doesn't go around suing people. He's not a litigious guy. But when these sleaze peddlers try to make money with disgusting lies about his relationship with his child, you bet he's going to sue."

Maria and I went back and forth yesterday about whether or not this is a good move. On the one hand, he’s asserting that while we can talk sh-t all we want about his Xenu, he will not let you f-ck around with his children and his reputation as a father. So that’s a plus. And, as Maria noted, his lawyer quite astutely, in his statement, pointed out that these publications are German so, you know, “America! F-ck yeah!”

"These serial defamers are foreign-owned companies with their global headquarters in Hamburg," he says of the publisher. "They take money from unsuspecting Americans by selling their malicious garbage. Having to pay a libel judgment may slow them down. Tom will undoubtedly give the money to charity. He always has."

Fine. But that doesn’t change the fact that he hasn’t seen his kid in three months. I mean, if this is an attempt stop people from thinking he’s abandoned his child, is throwing a legal hissy fit the best way to demonstrate that you didn’t abandon your child? I can come up with a much simpler solution that’s not such a pain in the ass.