And his now-estranged wife, Katie Holmes, dropped a divorce on his ass. You know I love a good conspiracy theory but the consensus really is the truth this time - he was not expecting it, it was not planned, there was no contract that terminated; 100% he was surprised, and, yes, hurt too. Tom Cruise has always been much more successful than John Travolta at...suppression, ironically. But what John has that TC was never able to find is a best friend in Kelly Preston. He intended for Katie to buy in and take ownership of the Sci Life the way Kelly has. And, well, obviously not.

Katie, as we’ve learned, turned out to be a total baller. Or, rather, Team Holmes is making her look, impressively, like a total baller. Tom’s still trying to recover from her relentless offensive. And over the Independence Day holiday too. The timing was deliberate. Because she had no intention of spending his 50th birthday with him. She had no intention of bringing Suri back to Iceland for further exposure to whatever Scientological influence it was that shocked her into action. Rather, she knew that if she started making too many excuses about skipping out on his celebration that he would become suspicious, which is why her people put things in motion so quickly.

Us Weekly is now reporting that Tom left Iceland to return to California where he’s expected to regroup with his inner circle and start countering Katie’s moves. We should know then by the end of the week about his divorce filing - whether or not he insists it happen in California, contesting Katie’s request for sole custody of Suri. And if that’s the case, this sh-t will get even uglier. The problem is that Katie seems willing to fight him publicly and this is a man who’s used to negotiating in private, secretly, and mostly in his favour with the upper hand. Tom Cruise only knows how to play with a lead. We’ve all seen what happens when he’s forced to play from behind - it’s awkward, unnatural, and there’s never a clear strategy.

He would do well then to open up his network to the Hollywood professionals for assistance in this situation instead of relying on the amateurs that normally manage his sh-t from inside the Church. After all, he’s been with CAA for a long time and he makes a lot of people a lot of money. They would do it if only to protect their investment. And there are signs that he may already be engaging the experts. Did you read The New York Times yesterday? Already they’re calling it a “bounce-back”. Paramount also released a statement affirming their support:

“Tom is a huge movie star for the right reason: He’s a very talented actor whose movies have entertained millions of fans.” Paramount added that Mr. Cruise’s “ability to make a great movie” is what “moviegoers remember above all else.”

This is the studio behind the Jack Reacher movie that’s scheduled to open at Christmas. They can’t afford a Tom Cruise crash. And neither can Universal, for whom Tom is currently shooting Oblivion. Universal’s statement read as follows:

“Tom is a true superstar who consistently gives 150 percent of himself to every performance, and we are excited and honored to be partners with him.”

Given what he has to lose, does that mean Tom will take it to Katie even harder? A desperate man clinging to life, prepared to do anything to hang on to it? it a Sophie’s Choice? If he lets her go, quietly, he still gets to save his career. If he allows it to get bloody, he might secure joint custody but he could never recover professionally from the drama. You can imagine how the Hollywood people would be advising him then - cash money is the only priority for those motherf-ckers and another wife is easy to find. What makes Tom stubborn though has always been the Church. And that’s been his great divide the last 10 years. Be a Scientologist, fine, But when it comes to decision-making, think like a Celebrity first. Tom Cruise needs to be reminded how to do that...if he wants to come out of this without too much damage. Are you a Celebrity or a Scientologist??? I’m not sure if Tom knows how to be both at the same time. Unlike Jennifer Lopez and Will Smith.

Last year Tom spent his birthday in Miami with Katie and Suri, wearing his Rock Of Ages fedora over his long hair, and loser-dancing on his balcony. Who’s next?

That’s coming up...

But first - I thought today would be a good day to revisit his birthday party video. Have you seen this? It was taken on that Scientology boat a few years ago. TRY your best to make it through the entire thing even though the Fontrum might be too much. The man in the tight white muscle shirt is David Miscavige.