Just got back from orthopaedics for a progress scan and rehab on my arm. Am not Tiger Woods. Will not be playing golf and winning the US Open 8 weeks after surgery. F*cking Mischa Barton.

Anyway, an appointment at ortho is a long drawn out process. Waiting room, then x-ray requisition, then x-ray waiting room, then x-ray, then waiting room, then surgeon, then physio. Takes forever. Perfect time to browse through the rags I won’t buy but have no problem enjoying for free.

Like OK! Magazine which wasted its money on the first photos of Tori Spelling and Kevin Federline Jr’s first daughter Stella.

Oh but wait. It’s not his first daughter, is it?

As I mentioned the other day, crazy superfans come in all forms. Would you believe there are even one or two for Tori and Jr? And that I’ve received the occasional email professing admiration for the homewrecker and the golddigger, pleading with me for mercy because “they just fell in love”???

Love? Really?

Let me tell you about love. Once upon a time, Kevin Federline Junior was a talentless two bit Canadian actor married to a Canadian television star who supported his ass for years. Despite his good looks however Junior was passed over for role after role in favour of more deserving actors from this country. But Junior dreamt of more. Not necessarily more in exploring his “craft” but more in life – more money, more fame, more photos.

Then along came Tori. The result? Two marriages torn asunder and two children left to grow up in a broken environment.

Love???

How’s this for love?

Six weeks before ditching his family, Junior and his wife Mary Jo Eustace adopted a baby girl called Lola. It took months and months of paperwork and procedure to make it happen. Junior was involved, Junior made promises – he held that child when they brought her home and as a father, he committed to take care of her and love her the way every daughter deserves.

Problem is, for someone like Kevin Federline Junior, money means more than promises. Enter Tori. Where we see ugly, he sees dollar signs. So he walked out on Lola and wiped his hands of parenting her.

And then he pledged his eternal love to a mangle face and quickly solidified his bank account by siring not one but two in quick succession, the second called Stella with whom he proudly posed in the pages of OK! Magazine, waxing ad nauseum about what it feels like to have a girl:

When I saw Stella for the first time, I just bawled my face off out of pure joy. I"ve always heard that there"s nothing like that bond between father and daughter. There is nothing like it — you feel it that moment. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Little boys are awesome. They"re just like a little you. But having a little girl is something else. As a man, you just lose it.

So can you imagine? Can you imagine how little Lola will feel when she grows up to learn what happened to the man who signed the papers, who cradled her during those first days… can you imagine?

Talk to me about love. Talk to me about how Tori and Junior could not deny their “destiny”. Talk to me about the fact that they are truly soul mates. I’ll buy it just to make a point.

And the point is this: how does finding true love absolve you from being a true parent? You can walk away from a spouse. But you don’t walk away from a child. Junior walked away from everything. He didn’t fight, he didn’t contest, he didn’t use any of Tori’s money, hire some kick ass lawyers, he didn’t do sh*t to make sure he could stay in Lola’s life.

Instead, he became a Spelling. He also became a tabloid whore.

So don"t ask me to be kind to these two pieces of sh*t. Don’t come to me with excuses after watching their pathetic reality show suddenly impressed with the authenticity of their love. Love is nothing without character.

What is the character of a man who has completely and conveniently forgotten that he actually had another daughter?

For more nauseating photos of Tori and Junior and his new daughter, click here.