You really have to give it Tori Spelling’s husband. Not only is he excelling in the art of golddiggery, he’s also embracing life as a kept man, content with living only as an extension of his wife, happy to sit back, enjoy the paycheque…and learn how to knit.

My thanks to the lovely, lovely reader who scanned this and sent it in after cracking open a knitting magazine and enduring the displeasure of seeing Tori’s ugly and her spouse staring back at her.

The article is of FULL of nasty cheese and, as you would expect, brimming with examples of Junior’s “devotion” to his bank account wife.

“I learned how to knit when Tori was shooting an episode of Smallville in Vancouver…these two ladies in the yarn shop were able to teach me. I got it like that and I was hooked.”

Agrees Tori:

“He caught on so quickly. Being pregnant and watching my husband sitting there knitting just literally choked me up. We were knitting in a bed in a hotel room and I emailed my friends and I told them that I have the most awesome husband. My girlfriends were like, “Shut up! Your husband’s knitting?” I said, Yeah how jealous are you!”

Seriously…these two should write songs for Emmy Rossum.