Twilight freaks turned up their freak factor this week when the final Twilight trailer leaked online.

To me it looks cheaply produced (that fight sequence is seriously hurting), but what does it matter? Production value doesn’t matter. Not when screaming teens and infatuated mothers are involved. This is the Twilight fan club and they will rush the box office come November 21 to make it a smash hit.

My friend Dean and his gays might have something to do with that too.

Dean is one of those rare gifts in life – as soon as I see his name in my inbox, I don’t even have to read the message. My day is better already. But the message is always surprising and insightful. Or sometimes just plain horny and hilarious. I should also mention he’s young and too beautiful not to have a penis that even considers the possibility of having a conversation with my privates. Boo.

Anyway, Dean wrote to me today. Even Dean has been taken over by Twilight. F-ck.

Dean: Just saw the trailer… If my chills don’t go away after 5 minutes does that inarguably make me a total loser-gaywad-fangirl? Love you!

Me: Ugh. He does nothing for me.

Dean: C’mon, is he just too young? This is my new hair inspiration.

It’s not that he’s too young. It’s that he’s not my Edward, although perhaps it’s something deeper. Perhaps it’s about the hate transfer. Because I am still so f&cking angry over the colossal FAIL that was Breaking Dawn.

Maybe when I look at Robert Pattinson all I see is Stephenie Meyer and her insufferably sh*t fourth book. Maybe it’s the “overdazzling”. Maybe it’s the fact that the series conclusion set a new record in donkey ball suckage, surpassing even the cheese ass suckage of the first three books, that I can’t get past it to truly see Robert Pattinson.

But at least the kiss looked pretty hot.

Perhaps after the movie I’ll feel differently but for now, Twilight and all its associations is almost like Rossum for me.

Almost. Not quite.

If you’ve yet to read my review of all four books, click here.