For too long now, Us Weekly has been slapping D List celebrities on its cover with reports written from inside Lauren Conrad’s ass. It’s one thing to feature a nobody. It’s another to sugarcoat the story about the nobody with The Hills scripted nonsense.

Which is what makes this week’s Us Weekly so amazing.

A D List star on the cover but inside the pages, they tear Love a new asshole!

So Jennifer Love Hewitt is no longer engaged. Why?

According to the magazine, she was the one who broke it off. Because she’s so f-cked up. Apparently JLH would call Ross McCall several times during the day when he couldn’t accompany her on the set of Ghost Whisperer and demand that he tell her he missed her. And couldn’t wait to be with her. “I want to hear you say you love”. On the rare occasion when he’d beg her to stop smothering him, she’d freak out and wail – something about trust issues lingering from her parents’ divorce.

Then there’s the whole weight issue. You’ll recall she was photographed on the beach looking like a normal sized person last year but was ridiculed in the tabloids. At the time, she claimed she was proud of her body, but then went on to lose 20 pounds anyway. Supposedly the costume department on her show is on high alert all the time for when her clothes don’t fit. She keeps insisting she’s a 2 when in reality she’s closer to a 6. And when she tries on a 2 that is too tight, she demands that another 2 or a 4 be found in its place.

In other words, Janice Min is calling Jennifer Love Hewitt insecure, clingy, and… not thin.

It’s war.

And there’s more. New issue of Us Weekly is on newsstands now. And John Mayer did not write “Wonderland” about her body.