Written by Duana

At your behest, we jump forward to Season 2, episode 5 – Kill Or Be Killed. I am a broken record these days but you guys being all nice with your enthusiasm and your tweets has really made me want to discover why Matt is a werewolf.


Previously on the Vampire Diaries, for a century, Stefan has lived in secret, and does he pull that out all the time? He has to know Elena, who is freaked that A) he is a vampire, B) has an ex who looked like her some hundred years ago and C) said ex, Katherine, TOTALLY wants Elena dead, or at least gone. “I’ll kill everyone she cares about.” Elena thinks Katherine wants them to fight, Katherine is going to have so much fun with recently-turned-vampire Caroline, being a total werewolf runs in the Lockwood family, Damon feels like he’s not being his best self because he failed to kill a werewolf and has made an enemy, possibly of uncle Mason.

So we start in Emerald Coast, Florida, 1 year ago. Where is Mystic Falls, again? Virginia? We are reasonably far from home.

In a bar, Mason pays Carlos and leaves. He’s followed by a brutish curly-haired shotdrinker, whose name gets slurred. He is REALLY upset about Mason and Marla, and when Mason swears there’s nothing there, he WAILS on him. After awhile Mason has had enough, and, in full view of everyone in the street, SLAMS him on the floor. And he dies.

And then we’re in Tyler’s bedroom. Mason is explaining all this and is just a little too defensive when Tyler asks if he was, in fact, sleeping with Marla. In any event, killing the curly drunk (“Jimmy”, apparently) triggered the curse.

We go back to Florida to see Mason’s face freak out – and now on every full moon, Mason freaks out. He’ll kill anything in his path. And apparently Tyler could fall victim to this if he kills anyone. You’d think that would be easier to avoid….

So now that Mason told Tyler what’s up, he wants the moonstone. Tyler says his dad was kooky about his hiding spots, and folds over the rug looking for the moonstone in a secret compartment in the floor, which there should be more of. Mason is all evasive about why he wants it, and Tyler seems like he would raise his voice but is too stoned to do so. Just hypothetically.

Elena’s putting makeup on, and Jeremy rasps that Tyler is a werewolf. Elena cautions that they don’t know for sure, in the same tone you use when you say you’re not sure a roller coaster will be stopped due to an epic lightening storm. She’s more interested in her lipstick, and gets mad when Jeremy says they’ll figure it out, and Elena tells him he’s too little, like he’s a preschooler. Peppy music plays, and Stefan arrives in her bedroom, and somehow looks put out that she wants to close her bedroom door before they make out.

But the making out is short-lived, because Elena is not looking forward to today. Apparently, if they pretend they’re fighting, Katherine will think she’s winning, which, apparently, keeps her from killing. Elena is also bothered that Caroline is going to tell Katherine everything that happens.

Elena is adamant that none of this can be real, all the fights have to be staged. So Stefan creates a code whereby pretty much any fighting words mean ‘I love you’ and teen boys everywhere think they can manipulate this to their advantage.

Caroline’s house. The sherriff is shocking her daughter by going to a town picnic with her, all day. Caroline retorts that ‘beware’, she’s “in a mood” today, and on the list of things I would not have been allowed to say to my mother, that’s right up there. Mom decides to ask why Elena was over so late, and Caroline’s wheels turn right there on her face as she thinks “Elena – whaa? Oh, Katherine. But don’t say that to mom, Mouth!” She stammers that Elena needed to talk, and Mom tries to parent with the age-old “Lately you’ve seen different, what’s up?” Caroline avoids this insight by calling her mom fake, and storms off. Which is, of course, a time-honoured teen technique.

Mystic Falls Historical Society Volunteer Day. Lots of industrious young people. The mayor’s wife (right?) giving speeches. Stefan saunters over to Mason, being all “I’m the good one. Not like Damon.” How often do you think he gives that speech? Anyway, Stefan wants ot abolopize and Mason says no. He says he tried to offer peace to Damon but that it was rejected. So then, Stefan gets all baby-face-deadly like he can do and is like “One of you. Two of us. Do the math and back off.” Mason does the tight-jaw of learning to act, and Stefan shakes his hand. Anyway, then Damon’s there and all whiny that Stefan tried to broker peace. Literally, whiny. He’s also greasy, I might add.

Pool bar– even though it’s morningtime, it could not be darker in here. As girls remark that Jeremy is damaged but cute (i.e., kryptonite) Jeremy tries to go be friends with Tyler. “I haven’t seen you since your dad’s funeral”. Original!

So anyway, Tyler is originally beastly but then becomes friendly, all “I just felt like such a freak, you know?” His existential crisis is interrupted by two girls who really want to go drink Margaritas while his mom isn’t home. I know kids drink but ‘margaritas’ always makes me think this is Bev Niner. Like really, you’re going to dirty a blender? Those are a B-tch to clean. Anyway, Tyler extends the invite to Jere, who’s delighted. Does Jere…not have friends?

EW gross. Mason and the Sherriff, or “Liz” as she insists on. He’s all “I want to talk with you about your super-secret founding families council.” Mason is like “I can offer you up two vampires, Damon and Stefan”. Liz can’t deal with it because they walk in the sun and because the Vampire Tax (really?) was instituted when they moved to town. Anyway, Mason swears he’ll prove it.

Caroline babbles about her mom being weird, and Elena doesn’t even pretend to listen. Oh, so she’s THAT kind of friend? Anyway, as they paint, Elena says she hasn’t talked to Stefan and it feels like giving up. She is, of course, feeding Caroline some lines. But manages to look mournful about it.

Damon goes to flirt with Liz/sherriff, who is all jumpy, due to her friend potentially being a vampire. He notices she’s upset (she mentions Mason) and tries to assuage it – but she blames it all on her fight with Caroline and storms off.

Which leads to some HILARITY – after Elena mopes over to mope near Stefan, Damon comes to lecture Caroline to the effect of “Why are you being such a b*tch to your mom?” Just take a second to appreciate one vampire lecturing another vampire about parental respect. Caroline tries to blow him off, as you do, and they watch Elena and Stefan “argue”. I guess Damon has super-sonic hearing, and Stefan knows, so he says they can’t talk about it because they have ears on her. In my second crack-up moment in as many minutes, Caroline paints the air, not even trying to look like she’s doing something.

So Elena and Stefan have their argument and say their special codewords that mean “I love you” and the injury on Elena’s face means she’s going to start to believe he believes the words he’s saying (but not yet). Damon is cackly at this turn of events, and Caroline races off to tell Katherine.

Tyler’s house. Woo-girls. While one macks on Jeremy, the other one says she’s embarrassed about - get this – ‘slutting it up at the swimming hole’. BEST. SHOW. EVER. So they pull out Jeremy’s sketchbook to look, but all they are is of werewolves. He and Tyler exchange significant glances while the girls get more booze. Tyler lures Jeremy into a room, and then, in a continuing theme on this show, teeny tiny Tyler throws GIGANTIC Jeremy up against a wall. He wants to know why all the pics are werewolfy, and Jeremy’s all “Cause I know”

Mason accepts lemonade from some giggling girls, then Damon strides up and is all “So I continue to be evil” and Mason says “I got the memo. Me too” but less than that. They grin at each other, then Mason’s out, Stefan’s in, and Damon says he know’s Stefan’s fake fight with Elena was fake. Then Damon takes some lemonade from the same giddy girls, who are really getting an oversexualized idea of what’s attractive in this town – and he starts choking and coughing in the middle of everywhere. Liz clocks this, and Damon chokes out “Vervain”. He allegedly only says it to Stefan but anyone in a ten-mile radius could hear him. Liz is clocking this like you wouldn’t believe…

After the commercial, Elena mopes by a really gorgeous waterfall. Caroline appears to opine that maybe this is all for the best, but Elena argues that it probably really, really isn’t . Then when Elena calls her a good friend, Caroline starts to confess and say that no, she’s not a good friend at all, but then gets mad that her mommy is leaving. She heads over to her mom, who is obviously on vampire patrol defcon one, and childishes that it’s always about mom and her work.

Now that he’s done hacking up Vervain, Damon is maaad. He wants to kill Mason. Stefan agrees they should kill Mason, shocking everyone – and they head off on trash duty into the woods.

Caroline and Elena head into the woods where Caroline practices her own super-sonic hearing. She hears a lot of not that unusual stuff. Meanwhile, Damon and Stefan head into the woods to kill Mason – and as he stands there with them, Stefan and Damon totally get shot!! Like, bullets through their bodies! Which are being wielded by Liz and her cronies! Caroline is gonna be SO MAD…

After the break, do you think we get to see that stuff? We do not. We go back to poorly-lit Jeremy and Tyler talking about werewolfiness. How does Jeremy know? He explains that this ancestor wrote a book about how the curse on Tyler’s family (Lockwoods?) makes them werewolves. Tyler says yes, Mason’s a wolf, but he himself isn’t until he causes a death. Tyler knows Mason’s looking for the moonstone which Tyler is conveniently keeping in his pocket

Okay so in the woods, Liz, Mason, and a deputy are carrying the guys. “Wooden bullets and vervain” won’t keep them down for long, she says. Mason takes them to the basement of the old Lockwood house. Then, as they cock real guns, Mason gets asked to leave. He protests a bit but gets unceremoniously kicked out. Then Liz in her pink, and her deputy refocus on their targets –

Then Caroline and Elena race into the woods, and Caroline finds blood. But instead of focusing on this RATHER IMPORTANT DETAIL, Elena decides to interrogate the passing Mason. He gives his best impression of a douche as he asks Caro if her mother knows what she is. Caro’s about to vamp out, but Mason grabs Elena by the neck. And just when we’re pitying Caroline for her “I can take you” line of hubris, she TOTALLY rushes him, makes him drop Elena, and throws him against a tree. It’s pretty awesome. She and Elena take off.

As Damon begins to come to, Liz TOTALLY SHOOTS HIM in the leg. He screams, and she informs him that if he tells the truth, he won’t get shot. Which, it kind of seems like she hasn’t followed through on that. Especially since when he calls her ‘Liz’ she shoots his other leg. Damn! So then she wants to know how they walk in the sun, and shoots another bullet that seems to graze Stefan. Liz pouts that their friendship was a lie – as outside, Caroline realizes her mother is totally killing Stefan and Damon. Elena needs to go in and help, but Caroline protests – her mother will find out what she herself is!

Okay so then AWESOME SAUCE continues. Elena stumbles into the dungeon all “I’m not going to let you kill them”, Liz wonders why the door blew shut, like, who’s with you, E? And then Caroline totally BLOWS into the room and clamps onto a deputy. Another deputy tries to shoot her but winds up shooting said deputy, and Caroline eats the other. Are we clear? All deputies down. Then, Caroline shows her bloody face to her mother, all “Hi mom”. Liz is, needless to say, horrified.

Dungeon. Elena comforts Stefan while Damon crawls on those totally non-injured legs. Maybe vamps can recover from bullets like that? Anyway, everyone wants Stefan to get strong by drinking human blood from the not-his-kills deputies, but he nobles that he doesn’t want to. So now Damon is in payback mode and is taking his time wondering what to do with Liz. Who uh, looks pretty shellshocked. Caroline, still totally bloody-faced, is like “Don’t tell anyone mommy, please? “ Mom is silent like she won’t actually agree to that and basically says that dying is better than having a vampire daughter. So when Damon picks her up by the neck, just to see if she’s for real, everyone freaks out – particularly Caroline. Then Damon wins my heart – is he supposed to be doing that? by saying that Liz is his friend.

Back in Tyler’s house, MORE TALKING. He explains what a moonstone is to Jere (has lots of properties, magical). He amusingly says he didn’t give Mason the moonstone because he wanted it. And he doesn’t trust them. Anyway, then the girls burst in, grab the rock, and it seem like they’re kind of mystical-esque maybe, or maybe it was just too dark to see when they handed it off. So then Sarah races off with the stone, Tyler chases her to grab it, they run up the stairs, and then she totally falls down. As visions of being a werewolf for the rest of his life maraud through Tyler’s head, he and Jeremy exchange Looks Of Significance. But it turns out she was faking! Stupid drunk girl…Jere and Tyler exchange heavy looks, and are they maybe both not just happy that Tyler’s not a werewolf, but happy the girls are gone?

Caroline comes over to somewhere that might be Elena’s, but what if it’s Katherine’s? She’s sorry it took so long, but she didn’t know how long her mom would be here. Elena offers that vervaine won’t stay in her (mom’s) system for long. In any event, apparently Damon is keeping her in a dungeon until the vervain wears off and then he’ll compel her to forget. All Liz wants is for Caroline to stay away, because she’s not her daughter anymore. YOW. See, it hurts on two levels, because there’s – oh, you got that? OK then…

So of course Caroline hears all this because this is TV, but also because she’d be thinking it anyway…Damon continues his campaign to be my boyfriend by arguing that no, in fact, Caroline is still the same girl, but mom doesn’t want to hear it. Caroline, with Elena in tow, storms off, while Stefan contemplates his fridgeful of blood. When Elena finds him, he’s staring at it. She’s scandalized but he thinks maybe he should take just a little every day to build up tolerance.

OK, so let me see if I get this. So Stefan drinks animal blood because he’s sensitive, but it makes him weaker than Damon who drinks blood from what looks like the hospital, but it makes them both more likely to vamp out. Do I have that rightish? Judging from the look on Elena’s face I’m not that far off. Stefan says he almost died today, and Elena is terrified. But Stefan says this is the only way he can fight Katherine and save Elena. It’s all very dramatic, and Elena wonders if they’re having a fake fight.

Oh, also of note, she says “The last time you drank human blood …” and trails off, making life difficult for me.

Anyway, Elena does not win points with me as she sees Caroline, sighs, and huffs “Can I take you home?” But Caroline can’t go home because she’s scared . Katherine will be there, and she’s afraid. Elena’s all “I knew, AND I was mad at you.” But then she says she eventually realized what happened, that Katherine must have threatened someone Caroline loved – and then my g-d video cuts out…And we’re back! Caroline says Katherine threatened Matt, and she was terrified. Elena’s like “Yeah, she’ll be like that, and we still don’t know why.”

Mason phones Sherriff Liz to leave an awkward, how come you don’t call me message, and hangs up. Tyler appears, and informs Mason about how even though he’s glad that this girl today totally lived, he doesn’t want to have anything to do with being a werewolf or the questions therein. Which, inexplicably, leads him to hand over the moonstone. Even the music agrees with me, changing instantly from lovely to effing scary.

Elena puts Caroline to bed on the couch in front of a fire, and informs Damon she’s going home. She’s grudgingly proud of him for what he did with Caroline’s mom, and says “That’s the Damon who was my friend”. He, in turn, tells her Stefan didn’t drink human blood, but that he should.

So now Elena hovers over Stefan all “Can you control it? A little every day?” Girl, he doesn’t know!! But she gives him her blessing – if the blood he drinks is hers. Because THAT’S NOT CREEPY AT ALL. The music wants me to believe it’s romantic. So she slices her hand with a letter opener, and he drinks, and they both gasp – euphemisms abounding here.

And then, even though you can’t believe they’re going to do it, they kiss – soft, tender, lovely – and then much more intensely.

Speaking of intense, there’s a car with headlights on in the middle of the woods. Mason gets into a car…with Katherine. And then we flash back to Florida, where Katherine was the one to comfort Mason after he killed Jimmy.

And then we’re back in the car, and Katherine holds off his kisses by yelling at him about what he did to Damon and Stefan. But when she finds out he got the moonstone, like she asked – well, then he gets all the kissing and then some.

You know, I didn’t miss Bonnie in this ep.

Oh, and Caroline is AWESOME.

Attached - Ian Somerhalder in New York a couple of weeks ago.

Photos from Lakota/Splashnewsonline.com