Written by Duana

Oh, you guys. I am so excited. What I’ve heard, but not seen, is that the VD deliciousness gets an extra special swirl when these guys are high school kids – like, going to sock hops and hanging out in the cafeteria – while vamping out and worrying whether good ol’ Tyler is going to come home and cause problems.

And it’s here! “Last Dance”. So we begin!

Previously on the Vampire Diaries, Elena was a Petrova doppelganger who was the key to breaking the Sun and the Moon curse; Klaus is on his way and a witch who had enough power could defeat him, so Bonnie gets all imbued with energy, even though using all of this might (will) kill her; Matt and the Sherriff share things they learned that they were supposed to be compelled to forget; Isobel gave up Alaric to Klaus’ footsoldier; and Klaus inhabits Alaric’s body, freaking out Katherine.

Okay! Klaus-ric is displeased with wardrobe options available to him. Runs a couple of options by Katherine, who seems pretty nervous. But she answers Klaus-ric’s questions about where the ‘dagger and white ash’ are. Katherine agrees they’re in the Salvatore basement. Klaus-ric doesn’t want to re-raise Elijah, so he has to be careful. Katherine reminds him if he’s passing as Alaric, he has to make it up to his girlfriend Jenna. Klaus-ric touches Katherine, and she begs for death, rather than have to suffer under him. He compels her to tell him any other things, and she spills about Bonnie collecting up the powers. Klaus-ric is all “I thought she didn’t have powers! I have trouble keeping up on this show too!” As Katherine begs for death again, Klaus-ric is all “I searched for you for 500 years, your death is gonna last at least half that.” Awesome. Anyway, he gives her a knife and makes her stab herself in the leg. It’s horrifying. He says she should do that repeatedly while he’s gone. What a guy.

Um, Title Card.

Elena signs papers to finally own the Salvatore house. Bonnie wouldn’t want to clean it, but they agree it’ll keep Elena safe since only she can invite people inside. Winning smiles.

Brothers are outside, debating whether Bonnie can, in fact, beat Klaus. Needless to say, they’re nonchalant. Then they muse on whether Katherine is dead. A laconic “probably”.

Anyway, then Elena opens the door, and the guys don’t stroll in. She invites Stefan inside, then flirts with Damon incessantly by not immediately inviting him in and making him promise to ‘obey the owner of the house’. Damon prickles at being treated like a preschooler. Eventually he agrees, and she beamingly invites them in. But then the guys get all shirty because Elena and Bonnie are daring to attend school. Elena smugs that she’ll be safe at night and “next to Bonnie is the safest place I can be”. Yikes.

Morning. Caroline’s. Matt came over to see the sheriff. He’s freaking out that Caro wants to go to the dance and Sherriff agrees he has to take her, not let on that he knows anything. Matt thinks his cover will be blown on account of not being a very good actor. Sherriff says that she’s her daughter – her baby – and that there’s nobody in this town she can trust. Matt has to keep up the ruse until Sherriff figures out what to do about the fact that the whole town are …not human.

Class! Okay, this is pretty hilarious. Stefan curled into a desk is very hilarious. Elena dangles a poster for a 60’s dance in front of him, and he shakes his head. She tries the same trick on Bonnie, who grins yes. So I guess we know whom Elena favors.

Anyway, guess who’s teaching class and has no idea what’s going on? You got it – Klaus-ric. Some brownnoser lets him in on the truth instead of screaming like she should, and he nearly faints at Elena’s beauty. This could be because she’s giving him the eye. Which she is. Klaus-ric whinges about the 60’s, poorly, Elena smirks and calls him “Rick”, Stefan is tired of Elena flirting with everyone but him under his very face, and gives her the eye –and Klaus-ric corrects himself. You can tell he can smell her.

School! Bustle! Normal teens getting ready for a dance! Caroline, with posters! She happily goes to kiss Matt, and it gets all intense. She’s delighted. He’s trying hard.

Jeremy, with exactly zero subtlety, asks Bonnie in a super-loud voice whether she told anyone she’s planning on dying pretty soon. She tells him to shut it, then, in girlfriend fashion, turns it on him all “don’t you have any faith in me?” She avers she might not die, and they clam up as Elena arrives and asks, uber-casual, if Jeremy is OK in the house with John all alone. He says it’s ‘not ideal’, but she’s moved on to whether Jenna is ever coming home. Jere spits something about on-campus housing and books.

The 26-year-old brownnoser from earlier is all “Some cute guy wants to know if you’re gonna be at the dance tonight.” Imagine all the snottiness in the world combined with all the weariness you’ve ever seen, heard, or felt, and that’s how Bonnie says, “Tell him she has a boyfriend!” I’m rolling, but herewith Brownnoser, who is clearly evil, is all “You should at least meet him, his name is Klaus. I know the name is stupid, but he’s really hot.” As Bonnie mutters that “she’s been compelled”, Elena frantically looks for Klaus. Brownnoser eagers “He wants to know if you’ll save him the last dance!”

Do kids say brownnoser anymore? How about browner?

Salvatore house. Damon and Stefan are berating the girls for thinking school was a good place to hide, when Klaus-ric just struts himself inside, and I wish we’d seen the scene where he was invited in. Anyway, as the team outlines their plan, which mainly amounts to Bonnie bragging about how strong she is, Klaus-ric chuckles, nervous, that it won’t be that easy. Not anymore, anyway. Damon tries to prove Bonnie ain’t as tough as she seems and launches at her, but everyone’s impressed when she throws him on his back. I’m sure Klaus-ric is among them.

God! Gross! Katherine’s disgusto bloody knee is horrible. Klaus comes home, bitches about Alaric’s store of weapons, and appreciates that the local vampire hunter (one of the minions) has found scotch. Klaus-ric needs him to take out “witch-bitch”. Apparently, his ‘haggard history teacher’ body is not going to hold up to fighting her, but the minion knows what we know, that if she uses all her power she’ll die, and should thus be provoked into it.

Caroline’s, and I’m not sure if her blondeness with her Jackie O costume is a social commentary on Marilyn Monroe or a reluctance to wear a wig. She presents herself to her mom, all smiles. Mom is struggly as she tells her that she looks good. They exchange some tenderness about how much mom works, and then “JFK”, Matt, shows up at the door. He gives Sherriff a look, exchanges glances with her and won’t kiss Caro in front of her. He’s going to make the girl think he’s having an affair with her mom. Wait! Maybe he is (I’m kidding).

Salvatore basement, and apparently there’s a big tickle trunk of old clothes down there. Elena searches for something to wear, and then looks downcast at the idea that she’s dressing for her death. Stefan tells her she can back out, and apparently Elena’s been harboring the idea that Klaus is not real and now she has to deal with the idea that he is. Anyway, she tells Stefan she loves him, and he wants to hear that when the night’s over. One imagines, so would Damon, who’s watching them.

60’s dance. This actually looks like a dumb amount of fun. Klaus-ric agrees with me, and dances dorkily through the crowd. Then he realizes he doesn’t know names, and gets brownnoser and her date to ‘earn some extra credit’.

Outside, Delightfully Useless Jere, as I am now going to call him, is sweetly trying to give Bonnie his ring to keep her safe. She pats him like the puppy he is, and explains that the ring won’t help her. He’s all fussed that she’s going to die, as you would be, and she swears she can do this. She does not flinch at the word “girlfriend” like I expected.

Damon swaggers by and grins at her. Elena and Stefan appear, also 60’s-ed up.

Inside the dance, Brownnoser gives a song a shoutout – for Elena, from Klaus. Elena and Stefan look panicked; Klaus-ric looks quite pleased with himself, and the song’s kind of sweet, actually.

Damon growls that it’s a lame, cheap shot. Elena avers that she knows everyone there, and Damon decrees they should dance in order to evade him. He strides over to Klaus-ric, who wants praise for how twisted it was to dedicate a song to Elena. Over with Stefan and Elena, she’s worried that Caroline won’t know what’s going on, so Stefan hurls her into the arms of Damon.

That boy does not know what’s good for him.

Anyway, Damon is super-charming in that way he gets when he’s trying to jolly Elena out of freaking out, and tells her that at the last Decades Dance (they have these all the time?) she was freaked, and that they won. She agrees. He twirls her around, she beams, and he drops “I’ve got moves you’ve never seen”, which is a great “My Best Friend’s Wedding” line, which is kind of apropos.

As Caroline and Matt dance, and he remarks that she’s so pretty, Stefan interjects to ruin her evening. She’s predictably terrified.

Meanwhile, Damon dances with Bonnie, interrogating her about the chances that she’s going to die. Basically, she’s a goner. He tries to be casual about asking if they can increase her odds, and she grins that he’s acting like he actually cares.

Elena spots this, and asks Delightfully Useless Jere what’s up. Because he’s useless at lying, he stammers just long enough to prove to her that there’s something afoot, and she’s annoyed. Then sends Stefan after him.

Paul Wesley is obviously tiny next to Steven R. McQueen, as this ill-advised foreground shot shows me. He’s all worried about Jere – and with exactly zero twisting of the arm, Jere points out Bonnie will die if she takes on Klaus. But if she doesn’t, Elena will die. So it’s kind of a catch-22.

Back in the dance, “I think we’re alone now” still brings joy into my heart. Elena grabs Bonnie. Stefan grabs Damon. How could he keep this secret? Damon basically says he could and did.

Elena’s all “Not an option, Bon”. Bonnie thinks it’s the only option, and I guess I could take them seriously, but their clothes are really funny. Elena wants to find another way, Bonnie’s all “I actually have the power to save you”, and methinks it’s as much about power as anything else. Anyway, Bonnie says if it were reversed, Elena would do the same. Bitten lips and pouts.

Jeremy strides into a group of – here we go again – tiny, tiny thugs. But since there are three of them, they take him down. Stefan and Damon run up and get a stake in the shoulder for their trouble. Stefan correctly asserts that these tiny high school nerds are compelled, ergo it’s a distraction. He sends Damon off to find Elena and Bonnie…

But Klaus-ric has gotten there first, telling the girls “he has Jeremy”. They’re all “Really? Him? He’s not usually a big part of these plots…” and race after Klaus-ric, who lures them into a heavy-steel-doored part of the school.

Klaus-ric lures the girls into the school, they get suspicious, and those go-go boots of theirs are not going to be good to run in. Anyway, Elena wants to know if he’s high on vervaine or has been compelled, but he’s all “Guess again, loser!” He relishes telling them he is not Alaric, and waits to see if they can guess. Which Elena does. Then she mutters that it’s not possible, and Klaus is all “I’m actually here to kill Bonnie.”

The way she throws him back against the lockers, we knew it was coming, but she looks damn good in her uber-short 60s dress anyway. Superpowers indeed.

Now that I sound like a creepy uncle, Bonnie wallops Klaus-ric through the glass of a trophy case, and Elena gasps like it’s so novel. Klaus-ric says if they kill this body, he’ll just inhabit another one. Like Jeremy’s. Bonnie’s all “RUN”, and I just assumed that wouldn’t work, but apparently it does? They run, see Damon, fill him in. Ian Somerhalder gets the bulgy eye as he tells Elena to go find Stefan, which lets Bonnie tell him (are you all keeping up OK?) that Klaus is here to kill her. Damon says Klaus doesn’t get to win, that Bonnie has to do whatever to kill him. Which we knew.

The music sings “where are you” as Elena tears through the dance looking for Stefan. Caroline interjects, but when Matt appears, Elena has to mute her story. Which is ok, because Stefan appears. Matt is annoyed at being left out.

Superhero Bonnie strides through the school and finds Klaus. She breaks his hand and dislocates his shoulder, and he’s suffering, though he snidely notes her bleeding nose. “Is that all you got”?

Elena and Stefan confront Damon, who says Bonnie’s doing “what she has to do”. Gasps all around.

Back at the battleground, Bonnie brings Klaus to his knees, and the lights flash. Papers begin to swirl, and she’s bleeding freely from the nose now.

Stefan and Elena race through the school, but BloodyFaceBonnie slams the door on them. Then her powers cause the lights to shatter and fall down, Klaus-ric is beleaguered but not fallen, there’s all these spectacular fireworks, Bonnie turns back to Elena all peaceful-faced (and it’s worth noting that her nosebleed is lessened) and then Klaus-ric moves, Bonnie collapses, and the lights go out.

Elena and Stefan burst in. Klaus-ric nowhere to be seen. Elena looks frantically for a pulse. None. Bonnie’s not breathing. She begs Stefan to give her blood, to do something, to help. Stefan thinks it’s too late. Elena sobs over Bonnie’s body, and as Damon comes in to try to take care of things, Elena screams that “This is BONNIE!” She’s incredibly distraught, and only now realizes she needs Jeremy. I feel awful for her –

…but the way Damon bends over Bonnie (and, let’s face it, the fact that the hour’s not up) tell me This Is Not Over. He closes Bonnie’s eyes, though, and we go to commercial. Hey, what if Klaus-ric is now Klaus-nie? Has anyone seen him recently?

Damon puts Bonnie (gently) in a trunk. (He’d told Elena he needed to hide the body from the mayor). He almost makes it – when D.U.J. comes running up. He can’t find anyone, and Damon sighs that they have to talk.

Elena cries by the fire in the Salvatore house. Stefan wants her to drink something but she refuses. She almost makes it, but then starts crying that it was all her fault. Then Damon strides in, all clinical. Asks if Elena could be calmed down, like he’s an executive on Mad Men. She accuses him of having known Bonnie would die, he says he did, and Elena hauls off and slaps him.

Damon doesn’t flinch. He tells Elena to prepare for what he’s about to say.

Grotty mansion. Bonnie is lying there. Jere strokes her cheek, as Damon narrates that she wasn’t prepared for Klaus to use Alaric’s body like that. Klaus wasn’t going to stop until Bonnie was dead. Or until he believed she was. And then, as Jeremy lights candles, Bonnie draws breath, and the music swells, and only the 60s clothes keep my eyes from misting up.

Damon, drily, tells Elena Bonnie cast the spell herself to appear dead. That she’s OK. Then he strides out. Elena tears up.

Stefan strides after Damon, all ‘you should have told me’. Damon correctly points out that Stefan wouldn’t have been able to not tell Elena, and this is true. I am 100% Team Damon here, but aside from his propensity to bulge his eyes, when am I not? Anyway, he says he doesn’t mind being the bad guy and making all the life-or-death decisions, while Stefan worries about whether Elena cries. But at the end of the day, Damon’s the one who will keep her alive.

Youch. Also, Word.

Grotty Mansion, Jeremy pulls out his laptop. AT&T product placement. He needs wireless. Bonnie’s all “You don’t have to stay with me” and he avers that he will. Bonnie takes advantage, and says that she needs him to talk to Elena. But instead Jeremy sets up some Skype. I love this.

The girls weep that there wasn’t enough time to tell each other, and are happy.

Elena. T-shirt. Damon’s bedroom. He mutters that her reaction had to be real for Klaus to believe Bonnie was dead. She gets it, but still has some moralizing to throw at Damon and his scotch. She will NOT allow Bonnie to die for her. Damon says Klaus will be there for Elena soon, and Bonnie’s the only one who can do it. Elena is determined to find another way, then touches her hair and apologizes for hitting him.

Damon lays it on the line. If it’s between the two girls, he’ll happily let Bonnie die. He gets the scary eyes as he says he will always choose her, and those of you who wondered if she was going to remember that he said he loved her, this is getting close. She leaves.

Elena strides down a hall, and there’s a little too much cleavage all of a sudden and oh, damn, this is Katherine. You guys, where were my hair cues? She goes into the basement, pulls the dagger out of Elijah, and sits, waiting for him to awaken.

You guys!

Okay, no actual proof that was Katherine, so it must be just Elena finding some backbone. We’ll find out next week. And Caroline’s story might go somewhere. And whither Klaus-ric?

Attached, find pics Nina and Ian at Coachella this weekend. Apparently they were hanging out with Joshua Jackson and Diane Kruger, proving that Canadians will find each other anywhere. Look at them posing for pics! Do you think otherwise cool Coachella-attenders are spazzing because they're secret Damon-Elena shippers?


Photos courtesy CW and from London Entertainment/Splashnewsonline.com